Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• It's Almost Impossible to Microwave a Co-Worker

  I’ve got two cans of soup in my desk drawer.I told Sandra the other day that if she should ever be stranded in this skyscraper of a building, I’ll bet there’s... Read more

  Posted on 09 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Everybody's Somebody's Monkey

  Let me just step out onto a limb here and say that one thing I think we can all agree on is that what this country needs is a good Chore Monkey.Tired of scrapin... Read more

  Posted on 08 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• This Explains Why I've Been Finding Phone Books on the Driver's Seat

  You know, I’ve been riding the bus on a regular basis – and every now and then on an irregular basis, if ya know what I mean – for almost eight years now. Read more

  Posted on 07 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• March Madness; Or Be Prepared to Loan Dolly Her Rent Money*

  Several hundred feet of snow fell on Minneapolis Monday night, and continued into Tuesday, burying bus stops, rolled and flung Penny Saver circulars that never... Read more

  Posted on 06 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'll Be Awake Around Noon - Talk to Me Then

  “Did you have a good weekend? You all ready for work?”Well, no. As a matter of fact, I’m not.I would love to tell you that I am. Ready for work, that is. But th... Read more

  Posted on 05 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Would You Mind Picking Up Some Nip on Your Way Home?

  “Good morning, Acme Grommets and Gravel, Pearl speaking.”“Good morning, Pearl. How are you?”For just a moment, I am speechless. Frankly, I’m shocked. The cat... Read more

  Posted on 03 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Dolly Rifles Through the Want Ads

  I woke up early Tuesday morning only to find Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) already up and sitting at the little breakfast table... Read more

  Posted on 02 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Everyone Brings Something to the Job

  I’ve been working for a long time. A very, very long time. Since birth, I believe it was – straight out of the womb and onto a factory line. Those were good... Read more

  Posted on 01 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Pump It Twice. Let It Up. Push It To The Floor.

  A repost from a particularly humid -- and brake-soft -- day in the summer of '11...When the temperatures soar and the humidity is such that distant muscle memor... Read more

  Posted on 28 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Wouldn’t Say It Was Time to Put the Mittens Away, But…

  The weather warms.It’s one of the pleasures of living squarely within a four-season climate, you know. Anticipation, that is. Here it is February – almost March... Read more

  Posted on 27 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• At No Time Did We Discuss Anything of Consequence

  

  Maryna thinks Erin really should try some lipstick.We are four, maybe five drinks into the afternoon when she decides this.“Why you don’t wear leepsteek? You... Read more

  Posted on 26 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein I Get Sentimental About a Bird I Once Knew

  This Saturday was "Galentine's Day", i.e., a full-day drink-fest (with food!) with 16 of my favorite people and the men that eventually came to pick them up.... Read more

  Posted on 25 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Mom, Can I Have One of My Toes Removed at the Mall?

  Back when Australia was still drifting away from the continent and my dance card was full, i.e., my formative years, having your ears pierced even once was... Read more

  Posted on 24 February 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Maybe One of Them Had a Cold

  I thought it was just a rumor, but it’s true.The rich are different than you and I.Some of the differences are obvious. The shoes, for example, seem to be of a... Read more

  Posted on 23 February 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• May the Muse Be With You (and Also with You)

  I’m a head-sweater.That’s head-sweater, not head sweater. There’s a difference, you know. Talk to any head-sweater, they’ll tell you: one causes sweat to pour... Read more

  Posted on 22 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It All Depends on the Vantage Point

  There was a time I could not enter a room without looks at its floor, looking hard at its corners, inspecting its baseboards, the bull-nose leading from one roo... Read more

  Posted on 21 February 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• I'll Need You to Rebel in an Orderly and Dignified Fashion

  A full day of work -- and then yoga! -- after a long illness took the sap right outta me. Please accept this post from February of 2012. Read more

  Posted on 20 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• An Introspective Moment with A Couple of Mothers

  “Remember that story we read once, about the woman who cut the ends off her hams?”My mother wipes her hands on the dish towel that she has slung over her left... Read more

  Posted on 19 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein Pearl Finally Goes Viral

  I have been sick for, oh, eleven years now. It’s been tedious, it’s been sweaty, and it’s gone on long enough. I haven’t left the house since Wednesday.O, how... Read more

  Posted on 18 February 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• I Wonder If He Remembers Me

  My downtown bus stop was moved recently from Nicollet Mall to Hennepin Avenue, a street known for figuring prominently in Prince’s movie “Purple Rain” and... Read more

  Posted on 17 February 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION