Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• No, I'm Not. You Are.

  Over and over, I fall for the allure of a manicure and the thought that, this time, my nails will look good. I’ve always wanted them: elegant nails, healthy... Read more

  Posted on 29 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Welcome to the Conference Call

  Thanks for dialing in, everyone. We’ve a very busy schedule today, so let’s get to it, shall we?First of all, I want to thank you for dialing in. Read more

  Posted on 28 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• To Be a Rock and Not to Roll

  Pearl, in that odd, third-person way she has, would like to announce that she is moving home, after an 11-month "on the lam" kinda situation. She is happy,... Read more

  Posted on 27 March 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• The One in Which George Almost Gets Arrested

  “Did I tell you I almost got arrested the other day?”I have been picking through my salad, pursuing lumps of goat cheese and strawberries. I look up. “Arrested?... Read more

  Posted on 26 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And the Orangemen Sound Delicious

  Dolly lays on her back in the living room, arms and legs akimbo, a fuzzy and most un-seaworthy canoe.Her eyes riveted on the television, her NCAA Mens Divisiona... Read more

  Posted on 25 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Medical Advice That Will Blow Your Mind

  I come from a long line of people who believe that nothing says “cure-all” like a good bowel movement.“Mom, I’ve got a headache.”“Have you pooped?”We’re full... Read more

  Posted on 24 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Finally! Affordable Health Care

  Mary has recipe to eradicate the cold that I have coming on.She’s called me, early-morning like, as she is wont to do.“Good morning, Acme World O’ Widgets.”“Is... Read more

  Posted on 23 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• If You’re Good at It, Is It Still Rotten?

  You can tell this guy’s a character, just by looking.Seems he has run into a friend of his. He strides toward him, his hand outstretched.“There he is! The man... Read more

  Posted on 22 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And in the Summer, There Are Those Who Forget to Wear Clothes Altogether

  The temperature outside is four degrees. When one figures in the wind (out of the northwest, freshly chilled and compliments of the Great State of North Dakota)... Read more

  Posted on 21 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part VII and The End: I Shall Miss You, Square-Headed Reprobates

  We’ve spent the past several days getting to know the family that moved into my neighborhood, a square-headed lot attuned to the ways of front-yard hootin’ and... Read more

  Posted on 20 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part VI: Wherein I Tattle

  Let’s see now. We’ve been amusing ourselves the last five days or so with the tales of the Jefferson Hillbillies, a motley group of State-assisted renters down... Read more

  Posted on 19 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part V: Wherein Boris Solidifies His Position in the Community as a...

  We return now to our current diversion, The Jefferson Hillbillies.You remember them, yes? The family of lanky-framed, cranial-ridged miscreants that moved in... Read more

  Posted on 18 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part IV: The Mysterious Egg Meteors; Or That Ain't No Way to Make an Omelet

  Welcome back to the serial posting of the Jefferson Hillbillies, the lurching humanoids who moved in four houses down and who quickly became a topic of... Read more

  Posted on 17 March 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Part III: Hey! You Got Any Extra Money?

  If you’ll recall, the last two days have been dedicated to the Jefferson Hillbillies, a square-headed family of front-yard-dwelling yokels that moved into the... Read more

  Posted on 16 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part II: I Know A Guy Who Can Get You a Good Deal on Speakers

  When last we spoke, the New Kids on the Block had just moved a dozen mattresses, several large-screen TVs and an ottoman into the duplex down the street, gone o... Read more

  Posted on 15 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Come Listen to a Story 'Bout a Man Named Jed

  I have been, and will be, remarkably busy for a day or two. Please enjoy this re-posting -- from 2011, I think it was -- a serial-style story of declining... Read more

  Posted on 14 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Lady at the Bus Stop Has Her Demands

  Should we run into each other today – and stranger things have happened! – you may notice that the tip of the thumbnail on my right hand is black.Or, you may... Read more

  Posted on 13 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It’s Like Capistrano Up in Here; Or One of the First Signs of Spring

  I’m on the 1:26 bus out of downtown Minneapolis, a much earlier bus than I normally take. And these are not my people. I sit, as I always do, near the back, jus... Read more

  Posted on 12 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Why Is That In Your Bed?; Or Oh, Buy a Bag of Ice Already

  I should not be allowed, unsupervised, near an oven.You would not guess, by looking at me, that I am a clumsy or distracted person. I don’t know why I think thi... Read more

  Posted on 11 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Aww, Go On. Say It Again.

  I am the proud owner of a Dyson vacuum cleaner. And while I can now tell you that it truly sucks – and in the way that a thing can suck and still have that be... Read more

  Posted on 10 March 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION