Humor Magazine

Welcome to the Conference Call

By Pearl
Thanks for dialing in, everyone. We’ve a very busy schedule today, so let’s get to it, shall we?
First of all, I want to thank you for dialing in. Our studies have shown that dialing in is the first step in any telephone conversation and absolutely essential to the successful start of any conference call, so right from the beginning, we are pleased with this early victory. Let’s pause for a moment here and give ourselves a round of applause.
As you all know, it is at this time of year that we turn our attention to our Q4 sales goals. While many of you have done well for yourselves, one person stands above the fray. Everyone, a round of applause for Marilyn!  Marilyn has reached 150% of her yearly sales goal with three months remaining, a fact that leaves us wondering if she’s truly that great of a salesman or if she seriously sandbagged on her goal to begin with. Ha ha! Just kidding, Mary Lynn.
You know, Mary Lynn didn’t get to where she got today without forming partnerships, so let’s talk about that.
Partnerships: between us and them, between you and me, between that guy in the skyway with the slide whistle and the people who continue to encourage him with their spare change. We’re partnering, we’re solutioning, we’re wreaking havoc with the English language and we are just so excited about it. Words like “spearhead”, “integral”, and “benchmark” will be used liberally in our partnerships. References to “full plates” and what we can "bring to the table" will be made. We are energized, we are aligned, we are in full command of our corporate-based thought templates.
Let the verbing begin!
Last on the agenda, I want to express my awe and incredulity regarding the amount of work that our working-from-home employees are getting done. I, for example, while on this very conference call, have taken a bath, made my bed, walked the dog and had my carpets steamed. My home has never been cleaner.  What an age we live in.
And with that, we’ve come to the Q and A portion of the meeting, where I encourage you to speak up. Questions? Answers? Suggestions? Offers of Happy Hour get-togethers? Come now! Surely someone wants to be identified as a potential troublemaker!
I’ll let you get on with your jobs then. Thank you for your continued hard work, your dedication, and your willingness to labor for praise in lieu of real income.
Now let’s get out there and win!

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog