Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Just Do What The Hand Tells You to Do

  

  Because I spent yesterday with plumbing issues (the house's, not my own) and didn't save time for writing. And because it was seven below zero Fahrenheit this... Read more

  Posted on 12 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Bath Tub Surprises

  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I do like a bath. And that’s where I was, Sunday night, when I had the strangest experience. Aside from what you... Read more

  Posted on 11 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Fog on the Windows

  The bus is a mess. And why shouldn’t it be? It’s rush hour, after all, and we’ve packed ourselves in, a random sampling of Midwestern commuters. Women seasonall... Read more

  Posted on 08 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Say, What Time is It?

  I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in my sleep patterns, and I think you should know about it. Here it is: Every night, I wake up at 3:06. Every single night.... Read more

  Posted on 07 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• What, These Old Things?

  I live a rich life. Take, for example, my queen-sized mattress and box spring. In fact, you may actually take them, as they are now balanced against the... Read more

  Posted on 06 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein Pearl Works to Shake It Off; Or, In Through the Out Door

  It was all new. New house. New windows. New darkness and new alarms. Even the level of the house had changed; where I was once on the second floor, head in the... Read more

  Posted on 05 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Well That’s One Way of Keeping Warm

  The sun, having heard that Minneapolis has cast furtive glances at its stockpile of cozy sweaters and corduroy pants, has cooled in her affection for us. Read more

  Posted on 06 November 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Long Time No See! What Are YOU Doing on This Floor? Or The Bathroom’s Where Now?

  The bathroom at work, for the next three weeks, is on the 54th floor. Coinciding with this is the introduction of an espresso machine, mere yards from my desk,... Read more

  Posted on 23 October 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Cats Bearing Gin and Tonics

  The lighting at Jimmy’s is dim. The bar itself is occupied by four men, all sitting separately. The booths and table are empty, save one of four women howling... Read more

  Posted on 13 October 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• “Hi. I Won’t Be In to Work Tomorrow.”

  There is a knock on the door. Lulled into a half-lidded stupor by an afternoon of Celebrity Bowling – a game show from the 70s on just one of the nine fabulous... Read more

  Posted on 12 October 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Inside of My Mind is a Smooth, Blank Canvas

  I’ve lost my notebook. You know the one, the one with all my brilliant ideas in it. OK. Well, they weren’t all brilliant. I remember the notation I made the... Read more

  Posted on 09 October 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Two for One Deal

  He’s reaching for the glove box as we pull up to the red light. He pulls the coupons from his breast pocket. “What are you doing? Read more

  Posted on 07 October 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Welcome? To the Meeting? Or What Really Goes on During a Conference Call

  Beep! Beep-beep-beep-boo-beep-beep-beep. “… and so I told him? that with the significant amount of scope-creep we were experiencing? that we’d just have to thro... Read more

  Posted on 05 October 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Gumption! Or If I May Make a Suggestion…

  I’ve stopped doing too many of the things that had previously defined me. Where once I attended yoga, I’ve taken up staring. Where once I wrote daily, I now tak... Read more

  Posted on 02 October 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Should Never Have Given That Cat My Cell Phone Number

  Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, sits on her perch at the front of the house. Good ol’ Dolly. The move has been good for her. Read more

  Posted on 23 September 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Its Not All Gargin-Farppled Plotzminers at Acme Grommets and Gravel

  The days just fly by. Is it any wonder that I remain at Acme Grommets and Gravel? The chains hardly seem necessary anymore. What’s best, of course – and I mean... Read more

  Posted on 22 September 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Do-It-Yourself Takes on Further Meaning

  They don’t tell you how much work it is, living alone. All this maneuvering of furniture, lifting of heavy things. And the garbage! Did you know that I am force... Read more

  Posted on 15 September 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Northern Mind; Or Now Where’s My Mittens?

  I put on my socks today. A small thing, you say? Nein, liebchen. In the Great State of Minnesota, this is known as the Beginning of the End. Next thing you know... Read more

  Posted on 11 September 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Must Keep an Eye on This One

  Jeff walks past me, arching his back and rolling his head from shoulder to shoulder. “So how are you running your chunk blocks? Read more

  Posted on 10 September 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein I Awake: Or Slow and Steady Wins the Race

  My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link o... Read more

  Posted on 09 September 2015 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION