Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Or Maybe I’m NOT Tired. Maybe I’m Just Crabby.

  I’ve had a moody day. My coffee was moody, my lunch was moody, and, despite the purportedly cheerful crackling going on inside my open can of Diet Coke, I’m... Read more

  Posted on 30 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• When You Leave for the Weekend, You Provide for the Kitties

  I was out this weekend, up in Duluth for All Pints North, a "beer review" situation that I did not fully attend, spending that time, rather,... Read more

  Posted on 29 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Don't Have a Spare Mil on Ya, Do Ya?

  Shoot, I know I’ve said it before; but I could really use a million dollars. First thing on the list to buy with that mil: Electric fencing around the house, th... Read more

  Posted on 25 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Who Turned the Heat On? Or Pearl Shakes A Hot Little Fist at the World

  I lie on my back in the dark, defeated and, seemingly, baked. And before you believe I’ve gone misty-eyed and confessional in my old age, we’re talking about... Read more

  Posted on 24 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Well, I Can See I'm Going to Have to Take Back a Lot of What I've Said

  I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when the subject of the state of our bodies came up. Having known each other since shortly after high... Read more

  Posted on 23 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Liza Bean Has Her Demands

  “You’ve ruined a perfectly good cat.” I say this, in all sincerity, to the mumbling form next to me. “I have no idea what you’re saying,” he says. It is dark,... Read more

  Posted on 22 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Just Another Zombie Sunrise

  I wouldn’t say I was a paranoid woman, a suspicious woman or even a woman with grave concerns. But indication that the zombies are gathering was apparent on my... Read more

  Posted on 21 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Moment on the Bus; Or I Also Found a Stick of Gum in the Bottom of My Purse

  Early-morning Pearl is a simple creature, a woman who dresses, gathers her things and heads to the bus stop without thought of why but with the knowledge,... Read more

  Posted on 18 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Eueueuchchch; Or The Monkey Loses This Time

  Right off the mat, as one might say, if one were to say such a thing, I can see that this guy’s gonna be special. It’s yoga time. There he is, pre-class, legs... Read more

  Posted on 17 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• That’s Not a Real Last Name, Is It?

  “Please spell your last name for the court reporter.” It is my first day on the job, a per diem assignment replacing a woman purportedly skiing in Colorado. My... Read more

  Posted on 15 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Bear Walks Into a Party...

  And now, as previously alluded to, the story of Mary and the bear. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she says. “Rahr?” “Sorry,” Mary says. “It’s nothing... Read more

  Posted on 14 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Door is Ajar; Or Most of the Time, Those Devices Don't Know What They're...

  I’m not sure if my dad is messing with me or not. It is probably safest to assume that he is. “So I woke up, what? 2:00, 2:30 in the morning, and I hear a... Read more

  Posted on 11 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Never Can Tell with Those City Critters

  Having been a part of my Northeast Minneapolis neighborhood for over a dozen years, I can tell you – and you can believe me: Logan Park has many enviable... Read more

  Posted on 10 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Intern Boy is Excited About Lifetime of Moderately Compensated Toil

  Intern Boy seems satisfied with his data. “Niiiiiiice,” he hisses. I don't even have to turn around. He is talking to his monitor again. Read more

  Posted on 09 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wednesday is Naked Office Day. You'll Probably Want to Get That Ironed.

  Fridays are, across the U.S. of A., and around the world, for all I know, known as an office’s “casual” day. And by “casual”, we mean in dress. I was 19 years... Read more

  Posted on 08 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Haven't Seen the Cat Lately, Have You?

  

  From June 2011. I hope you enjoy it. “Did Liza Bean say anything to you about going anywhere?” I look up from my book, cock my head to one side and squint.... Read more

  Posted on 07 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The New Sprink-Handled Dorkstoppers Are In!

  I have two inboxes at work. That’s two different ways in which I can receive input/direction/headaches/notice that I am pitifully behind schedule. Look. Read more

  Posted on 03 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Careful Around the Punchbowl There, Karl

  Like all right-thinking citizens of the mostly-modern world, I’m on Facebook. I got tired of people saying things like “didn’t you get the update?” or “oh, we... Read more

  Posted on 02 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Know What You're Saying...

  From February of 2013, just because... “Maryna, baby, tell Pearl what “OMG” means.” Maryna, a dark-eyed and sophisticated émigré from Kiev, a woman who... Read more

  Posted on 01 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Day Pearl Damn-Near Drownded

  Late-summer: I’m 14, and my family and various friends and relatives have packed ice, beer, pop, and varied sandwiches into coolers. Read more

  Posted on 30 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION