Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Slightly Compromised; Or I’m Sure I’ll Be Fine

  My memory used to travel down seasonal paths. What’s that? What restaurant? Oh, yeah! When were we last there? I remember it was cold, but no snow. Was it... Read more

  Posted on 22 July 2020 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Oh, You Know. Just Squeakin' By.

  There is a drawer at my desk that currently contains a can of organic carrot soup, an envelope of dried soup, canned peaches, a ziploc baggie of dried... Read more

  Posted on 02 July 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Representin'! Or People. Huh.

  The bus, this morning, smells of hot dish. Some sort of tomato-based, Italian-sausaged, crusty-cheese-topped hot dish. It is 6:35 am, and I am ready for... Read more

  Posted on 28 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• On the Other Hand, I Can Belch When I Feel Like It

  Hello hello hello! Acme Gravel and Grommets Corporate lackey here! I’m so glad you dropped by! You know, I don’t always come into work on time, but when I do,... Read more

  Posted on 26 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• What Time is It?

  My grandson’s first birthday was this last weekend. It was a wheel-based affair, in keeping with his unabashed love for all things rolling. Read more

  Posted on 25 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Stop, Feeth!

  There’ve been a rash of “theft from car”s in my neighborhood lately, particularly ones in which the windows were not broken but the door simply opened.... Read more

  Posted on 21 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Who Do You Gotta Know to Get a Snack Around Here?

  There are lemon bars in the work lunchroom, leftovers from yesterday’s Birthday Celebration and Monthly Placation. We’re a cared-for little group, those of us a... Read more

  Posted on 20 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Just Shut Up and Ride

  Having been reminded this last weekend of physical frailties in general, and the tensile strength of your average pair of capris specifically, I lean against th... Read more

  Posted on 18 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Shake, Rattle, and WHO LEFT THIS HERE?!

  I took a good hard fall Friday night. What? No, there wasn’t drinking involved! Why would you even say that? Oh. Yeah, well. Good point. But no. Drinking was no... Read more

  Posted on 17 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• But Sometimes It IS Cold

  It’s layoff season over here at Acme Shovels, Grommets, and Rope (A Worldwide Octopi Corporation, Pty, LTD, M-O-U-S-E) and the bell? For whom does she toll?... Read more

  Posted on 13 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'm Maturing; Or Hey! Pearl's Doin' Stuff!

  Now, normally I don’t believe in the verbification of words (even writing that was painful); but having said that, I have to admit: I am now adulting at... Read more

  Posted on 12 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Plumbin'; Or Jack the Dripper!

  The house is old. “Hey, I hate to say this,’ she says, “but there’s a bit of water in the basement.” The tenants upstairs are leaving as I am coming home. Read more

  Posted on 11 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Please Accept This Individually Packaged Coffee Creamer as a Token of My Esteem

  I don’t want to get bogged down in the facts – as one does – but I’ve been working for a little more than 100 years now. What? Sure I’m including the... Read more

  Posted on 06 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Showdown at the OK-But-Can-Ya-Make-It-Happen Corral

  A slip of paper with what appears to be a prescription written on it appears at my desk. I look up. “I need this meeting this week.” I slide the paper over and... Read more

  Posted on 05 June 2019 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Maybe I Should Reevaluate

  I am standing on Hennepin Avenue, waiting for a bus. Hennepin, as you may recall, is the only street in the world where I have been mistaken for a prostitute.... Read more

  Posted on 20 June 2017 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Oh, Just Shut Up and Lie Down Somewhere

  I’ve been sitting here for, oh, three days or so, breathing through my mouth and contemplating a future in voice-over. Surely everyone would be as amused as I... Read more

  Posted on 30 March 2017 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Nature’s Bounty; Or What’s with the Discarded Hair Ties Everywhere?!

  The streets are full of promise for those clever enough to watch for it. Take, for example, hair ties. Why, if a gal plays her cards right, she may never buy... Read more

  Posted on 21 March 2017 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Morning on the Bus with My Peeps

  The woman on the bus is taking up some space. She sits across the seats as if stretched out in the back of my old Ford LTD. Her feet extend into the aisle, and... Read more

  Posted on 17 March 2017 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Have You Seen the New TV Shows? Me, Neither.

  I’ve been without cable for almost two years now. I have access to about 14 channels, depending, I swear, on the season. Whole channels disappear for months at ... Read more

  Posted on 14 March 2017 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It Was Either That Or A Tote Bag

  Every now and then, we here at Acme Gravel and Sprockets take a quiet moment to reflect that, hey, there are worse jobs. Delivering food on roller skates, for... Read more

  Posted on 10 March 2017 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION