Humor Magazine

Oh, Just Shut Up and Lie Down Somewhere

By Pearl
I’ve been sitting here for, oh, three days or so, breathing through my mouth and contemplating a future in voice-over.
Surely everyone would be as amused as I with my voice?  Somewhere between the croak of a hungover amphibian and the creak of a rusty hinge, I amuse myself intermittently with “Ave Maria” and my impersonation of me, with a cold.
“What’s that, Pearl?  You’d like some cough syrup?  Ha ha ha!  You don’t have any!”
Apparently Prior Pearl has failed Present Pearl in this.
She will be spoken to. 
Through the advances of technology, of course, I am no longer just sick, but I am now Sick and Working From Home, or as we in the business like to say, “Swiffing”.  Working in this state leads directly to emails that begin “Come in, Tokyo!” and end “Hugs and Kisses, Pearl”.
I may be exaggerating.  Or maybe not.  I worked until 10:00 last night, and who knows what those last few emails said?  Sure, I could check; but what’s the fun in that?  Better I wait for a response – or some sort of communique from Human Resources.
In the meantime, Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) is confused.  She crawls in and out of the backpack in which I brought the laptop home, mews piteously at her food bowl (which is only three quarters of the way full), walks from the couch to the dining room table back to the couch in hopes that I will join her.
Cats.  What do they know, huh?

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