Christopher De Voss

LATEST ARTICLES ( 575 )

• Several Really Short Stupid Poems

  

  Title: Sure, But I’m Not Dancing With Your Uncle That Was Just Released From Prison —– Title: Stoners Can Be Dicks Hickory Dickory Dock The Mouse Smoked All... Read more

  Posted on 04 November 2013 ENTERTAINMENT, HUMOR

• What Really Sandpapers My B@!1$

  Contrary to what most of you likely believe, I can actually read and shit. No kidding. I won’t blow your mind by insisting that I typed this myself, and my... Read more

  Posted on 04 November 2013 HUMOR

• Dear Netflix: Please Stop Telling Me I Like Bollywood Movies

  

  The saying, “you get what you pay for” isn’t always true. I once won the low bid at a bachelors auction and can say with some measure of certainty — don’t... Read more

  Posted on 01 November 2013 HUMOR

• Happy Halloween 2013

  

  For those unfamiliar, this is a pumpkin with Walter White’s face carved into it. Walter White is from the TV show Breaking Bad, the greatest TV show ever mind... Read more

  Posted on 31 October 2013 ENTERTAINMENT, HUMOR

• Grandma De Voss Finds A Trunk Full Of Old Books

  

  Grandma De Voss found a trunk full of books and sent some to me that she thought I would enjoy. I told her I didn’t have much time to read anymore, but she... Read more

  Posted on 28 October 2013 ENTERTAINMENT, HUMOR

• Reboot Of Long Awkward Pause

  I’m really excited to announce the next incarnation of Long Awkward Pause.Yes, you guessed it…we are turning into a erotic sex site! Read more

  Posted on 27 October 2013 HUMOR

• Vampire Interviews, Top Gun, and Blood Sausage

  It was daunting assignment and I had every right to be nervous.  Anyone would be a little scared; most people recognized how reopening a dialogue with a strange... Read more

  Posted on 26 October 2013 HUMOR

• An Evening With The Master

  

  The Assignment: Interview with a Halloween celebrity (submit chit for danger pay) The Subject: The Master, from the hit television series — Buffy, The Vampire... Read more

  Posted on 25 October 2013 HUMOR

• Reboot Of Long Awkward Pause

  I’m really excited to announce the next incarnation of Long Awkward Pause. Yes, you guessed it…we are turning into a erotic sex site! Read more

  Posted on 24 October 2013 ENTERTAINMENT, HUMOR

• Interview With a Zombie in 2 Parts…

  

  YumI tried y’all. I really tried my hardest to interview Earl, but I was extremely terrified and grossed out by the whole thing.I had no idea what I was in for. Read more

  Posted on 24 October 2013 HUMOR

• An Appointment With The Great Pumpkin

  

  This week we are interviewing great horror movie monsters on Long Awkward Pause. We were left to choose who we’d interview.My first thought was to go with... Read more

  Posted on 23 October 2013 HUMOR

• Long Awkward Pause Takes On An Interview With A Halloween Celebrity

  Howard Gantz, manager here.Halloween is upon us which means candy, little children in adorable costumes and grown women in slutty costumes…Oh, how I love... Read more

  Posted on 22 October 2013 HUMOR

• A Tale Of Love Lost In Forty-Seven Acts Condensed Into One

  The bug hit the car’s windshield with as mighty of a thud as a bug hitting a windshield could make. It’s guts spreading flat against the smooth glass creating... Read more

  Posted on 21 October 2013 ENTERTAINMENT, HUMOR

• Why?

  

  Occasionally we will get probing questions from our readers for the staff to answer.Occasionally we don’t.This could or could not be one of those occasions.... Read more

  Posted on 18 October 2013 HUMOR

• The Long Awkward Pause Musical Still Holding Auditions

  Howard Gantz, manager here.I have been getting a lot of inquires about the auditions currently going on for the up and coming Long Awkward Pause Musical on... Read more

  Posted on 15 October 2013 HUMOR

• George Clooney Admonished Me

  

  I was super excited to be invited to the Press Screening of the movie: Gravity. This wasn’t opening night, mind you, this was a limited screening that the... Read more

  Posted on 15 October 2013 ENTERTAINMENT, HUMOR

• L.A.P. By The Numbers: Picture Prompts

  Here is a break down of Picture Prompt week:Total Number of Picture Prompts: 4Total Number of Comments: 91Total Number of Coke Zeros Drunk By Chris While... Read more

  Posted on 12 October 2013 HUMOR

• Throwing Long Awkward Pause Through Gizoogle

  

  *Warning: Severe language used in the pursuit of comedy. Proceed at your own risk.*Gizoogle is a web site that takes other web sites and turns them into... Read more

  Posted on 11 October 2013 ENTERTAINMENT, HUMOR

• Picture Prompt: While My Keytar Gently Weeps. In My Bed.

  

  Chowderhead says:Before putting on my bifocals, I thought I was looking at a crash test dummy about to get scooped up by a tractor shovel:La La La La La! Doo de... Read more

  Posted on 11 October 2013 HUMOR

• The Dog and the Butts – A Poem

  

  Dog Doggy, sittin’ on m’knee,Dog Doggy lookin’ at 3-D pictures up on screen,But Dog Doggy, I’m so mean!I forgot your little glasses,So you can’t see 3D... Read more

  Posted on 09 October 2013 HUMOR