LOVE. We all want it. We all need it. When we get it, we seek ways to nurture, sustain, and maintain it. It’s our never ending search for the “Holy Grail” of love. No easy feat when you think about it.
As the month of love continues, I decided to share a few articles – amongst the copious number available – that I really liked and are part of the love and relationship chatter!
1.) “Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?” This article focuses on the results of a study called “Egalitarianism, Housework and Sexual Frequency in Marriage” which showed a decrease in the frequency of sex when marriages became more egalitarian – to the tune of 1.5 times less sex per month! The paradox of these results is that our quest to have a more equal relationship might have backfired as “the values that make for good social relationships are not necessarily the same ones that drive lust. Most of us get turned on at night by the very things that we’ll demonstrate against during the day.” This articles further highlights the struggles within egalitarian relationships while providing relevant and current information and research. Though lengthy, its worth taking the time to read!
2.) Are you a Sneaker, Squasher or a Restorer? The article, Good Enough? That’s Great explores three types of people in relationships – Sneakers, Those Who Quash, or Restorers.
“Sneakers neither sulk nor celebrate; they redirect their attention to distractions that entertain and titillate. Their sneaking is done online, logging a lot of hours on social media stalking old flames from high school, distracted by their devices while ignoring their spouse. Those who Quash. This group often “choose to quash their unfulfilled desires, to accept their marriage for what it is and figure out how to feel O.K. about it.” This group is also referred to as the “appreciatively resigned.” The Restorers “sit down and have a sensible discussion about where their marriage is and where they would like it to be, when they feel their relationship is becoming ‘subpar’. They “almost single-handedly support the vast and profitable marriage-improvement industry.”
3.) The Science behind love. “Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.” ~Albert Einstein
In the article, 4 Things Neuroscience Can Teach Us, the complexities of love are explained through neuroscience. ”Despite everything we now about human behavior and relationships, love remains a mystery to us. Yet, despite this, neuroscientists are becoming better at understanding the brain and the ways in which romantic love affects our brain.” Ultimately, seeking greater clarity about our capacity to love, be loved, and improve our relationships.
A few things to take away?
- Use the articles to create a conversation with your partner or spouse about what is flourishing and what areas could use improvement.
- I believe that most of us know what works and what doesn’t and the changes that need to occur for the relationship to survive. Don’t hesitate to share your thoughts, insights, and struggles in your relationship. This could be a game changer!
- Don’t get caught up in what to do first, you can start anywhere.
- Love is a verb. Work it!
- Ask yourself, “What are you doing to nurture the relationship?” “What are your expectations?” Work on individual issues and focus on your relationship.
- Create a group of people – family, friends, colleagues – in addition to your partner or spouse for support and guidance.
- Cultivate interests that are both shared and on your own. Time apart is necessary for couples to survive and thrive.
- Don’t base what is lacking in your relationship on irrational ideas or fantasies and buy into the perception of what a real relationship is based on mass media. Dead end!
- Sometimes there are moments that we should do nothing and let our relationship take the twists and turns its suppose to. This might be part of the elegant plan that creates intimacy, creativity, openness, and curiosity, and ultimately long lasting love!
