Trust Jesus

Back in 2004 I was living back in Utah after leaving Hawaii after serving in the Army at Schofield Barraks and living with my girlfriend at the time.  We were having an especially stormy period in our relationship which was by the way the first serious relationship I'd ever been in at the age of 25 which made the difficulties that much harder to deal with.  I was agnostic on my good days and hard line atheist on my bad ones.
But I still regularly read the synoptic Gospels because I have always admired Christ as a person and teacher even when I did not believe his own claims regarding His identity and the reality of God.  What I did believe is that his sensibilities about loving even your enemy as yourself and the other themes about Christ you may be used to be ranting about often on this blog.
In my personal crisis I was so desperate for aid and love that I was praying and pleading with the God I wasn't sure existed for relief.  I may have at that point used religion and theology and the philosophies in it as a crutch and coping mechanism but none the less I felt the presence of God, I felt a closeness with Him when I needed it most.
And though I read His word, I honestly did not trust it.
It's too incredible for a rational mind to believe.  There being a God and providing no concrete proof, claims of miracles and the truth of claims that loving even your enemies and trying to like them be nice to them throw them a party seemed to stretch beleivability but asking that we love them as we do ourselves sounds nice and is noble but I didn't trust that it would or ever even could pay off in any pleasant fashion.  I just didn't trust it in all honesty.
It's asking a lot though and it even seems unfair at times for a lot of differing reasons.  But we are called to pick up our cross which I feel means our particular set of hardships and challenges and follow Christ.  But if we are to truly follow him we must trust that He will not lead us astray, that His teachings will lead us to the salvation that He wants for us every bit as much as we want it for ourselves and maybe even more  so than we do like every parent wants happiniess for their children and loves their children more than their children know or can love themselves.
I wont do what I do so often and rail on how we as a people so often get it wrong, not that that isnt at time needed or called for but that today I'd rather just make one simple observation and that is that with out questions there can be no answers but answers are of no value if you do not put your faith and trust in them.
I mentioned I was in Utah in 2004 during a personal crisis and during that crisis I did a lot of walking, miles and miles. and on those walks I kept seeing all over downtown SLC the little spraypainted words on sidewalk after sidwalk that said trust Jesus.  They were red and when I talked to my then girlfriend she said that she had seen them in Hawaii too! All over the place she had found them but these were colored blue which is my favorite color and the ones I kept seeing daily everywhere I walked were red, her favorite color and so this trust Jesus message didn't just cause us both pause to think but the colors got us thinking of eachother.
It got us t a point where we had the idea to bring Jesus into our relationship in the sense that we both thought it beneficial to be more religious in nature and actice individually but particularly together.
But for all our interest we did not in practice fully trust Christs way over the ways of the world.
And amongst any group in Christendom, Mormons included, it seems tht a big reason for all the things tht we fail to do as Christians that we are called to do, things we reach like loving your enemy.
That is a teaching that we praise Crist for saying and for living out to  "T" and then proceed to mercilessly mock and ridicule any ther person for expecting anyone else to live up to that ethos, because some don't trust tht loving your enemy is truly possible in any meaningfull way.  We dont"t trust Jesus that it is the right way to go, we don't trust that it's even possible.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that if we were to trust Christ more it would aid the PR Problem Mormons have these days in America that leads non Christians saying things like what Gandhi said when he said I like your Christ but I do not like your Christians they are so unlike your Christ.