Debate Magazine

Transgender Father Becomes Another Mother to Nine-year-old Son (and a Lesbian Partner to His Wife)

By Eowyn @DrEowyn
Roxy and his son

Roxy and his son

Daily Mail: A former bodyguard who struggled to bond with his nine-year-old autistic son has finally mended their relationship – by becoming his second mother. Until two years ago, 50-year-old Roxy Wallace was a bodyguard called Bob, who lived a reclusive life, plagued by depression.

The long-term condition was caused by Bob’s belief that he had been born into the wrong body, a turmoil which made it impossible to have a meaningful relationship with his son William.

But, in October 2013, Roxy finally revealed the truth to 44-year-old Jo, her wife of 20 years. With Jo’s full support, Roxy started on the journey of gender reassignment – a move which has finally given her the parent-son relationship which has always been missing. Jo and Roxy are still together, now in a lesbian relationship. 

And for William, ‘mummy Roxy’s’ new lease of life has changed everything – and he has no desire for ‘grumpy daddy’ to return. ‘I love my second mommy so much. I never want my daddy back‘, he said.

Roxy, from Churchdown, Gloucestershire, began to struggle with depression shortly after marrying Jo in 1994. It led to crippling migraines, a condition which made Roxy distance herself further from the family. But Roxy is now happier than ever, after starting hormone treatment with the full backing of her family. She hopes to have full gender reassignment surgery by Christmas.

Roxy, his son, and wife

Roxy, his son, and wife

She said: ‘My biggest fear was pushing my family away – but my depression was so bad that’s what I was doing anyway. I just didn’t realize at the time. My family has been so supportive of me, and it’s helped me grow and improve as a person. I now feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Not only has my amazing wife stood by me, but my son and I are closer than ever. When I was Bob, William was so closed off but now he calls me “mummy Roxy” and is so much more affectionate and cuddly. I feel so blessed to have such a fantastic family.’

In 2006, when Jo gave birth their son, Roxy became a full-time carer for William. But the pair never really bonded. Roxy said: ‘I was so depressed and in pain every day that I convinced myself that Jo was going to do a runner and I’d be left without her or William, so I put up a wall between us. I’d feed, water and bathe him but I never connected with him emotionally.

‘Looking back now, I had never felt right in myself. Ever since I was about eight years old, I’d never been into football and just wanted to read Jackie magazine. Growing up I thought maybe I was gay because I was so girly, even though I wasn’t attracted to men and I was bullied constantly for being effeminate.’

Finally, in October 2013, while Roxy and Jo were watching TV, Roxy revealed her secret. Jo said: ‘We were just slobbing on the sofa like any other night when Bob just blurted out that he was a woman, and wanted to start living as a woman. In my mind it came out of nowhere, but suddenly everything made sense. Bob had been a miserable recluse for years and I’d always known something was eating him up inside. I was shocked, but all I wanted was for Bob to be happy so I agreed to help him. After all, I had been in love with him for 20 years and it didn’t matter to me what he looked like on the outside.’

Jo and Bob/Roxy

Jo and Bob/Roxy

She added: ‘Watching Bob become a recluse had been so painful. I could see he was in turmoil but even he didn’t seem to know why. It was such a hard time for us and we stopped going out with friends all together.’

After that, the pair set the wheels in motion for Roxy’s transition. They bought her female hormones online and a new wardrobe. And in the following July, Roxy legally changed her name by deed poll.

Jo added: ‘We go out clubbing all the time now – Roxy is the best friend I have ever had. She has all the qualities that made me fall in love with Bob, only more. William is thrilled too. He loves having two mummies.

Roxy added: ‘I wasn’t the best dad in the world but I’m making up for lost time by being a better mother. Bob was so masculine and afraid to show emotions but Roxy is very tactile and loving. Nothing makes me happier than when William jumps on me, throws his arms around me and gives me a huge kiss.’

DCG


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