You know that scene in Say Anything... when "that girl Sheila," who is always using the air-quotes, says to Diane Court, "So, you and Lloyd Dobler. How did that...'happen'?"
Sheila was being incredibly haughty and condescending about the entire situation.
Sheila may have been wrong, but that's the exact calibur of extreme haughtiness and condescending attitude which I direct at Torchwood: Miracle Day.
Just as Sheila wondered how a babe like Diane Court would ever look twice at a supposed dweeb like Lloyd Dobler, I wonder...how did an amazing show like Torchwood ever sink to the lows of Miracle Day?
Just out of an attempt at logic, let's have a look at the main problems and some possible explanations. If anyone actually has some firm answers as to how this catastrophe of a miniseries came to be, please illuminate me (and the universe) in the comments.
1. Underusing Captain Jack Harkness: W.T.F.?! You have one of the most attractive, dynamic, fascinating characters in science fiction history, and you choose to make him a background figure in the show he is the star of?
There is no logical explanation for this that could possibly exist, but perhaps someone can explain who thought this was a good idea. And commit that individual to a ward for the criminally insane ASAP.
It's not like Gwen has that much to do either, which is also irritating to no end.
2. A freaking "unexplained rock mass." That's how Wikipedia attempts to explain the bananas-stupid denouement wherein we are meant to believe that some dumbass rocks are calling Jack's immortal blood here and there and creating the miracle that makes people not die.
First of all, you might as well explain some stuff, writers, after making us suffer through the misery that is Miracle Day. We've earned it.
Secondly, this is a show about damn aliens, okay? That's why we came to the party. It's what we want and expect. We don't care about some weak-ass unexplained rock masses. Screw you.*
3. Obnoxious new characters. Where to begin? With the pointless and downright offensive Oswald Dane (and I love Bill Pullman to pieces, so this pains me)? How about the abrasively charmless Rex (this may not be Mekhi Phifer's fault either. I mean, he was fine in Soul Food. And, obviously, Carmen: A Hipopera.). Or Esther (Alexa Havens), who spends the whole time very sweetly trying to help people, but due to being overall a moron, also spends the entire time being tiresomely berated by Rex.
The only good new character, clearly, is that Terminator thing played by Dichen Lachman. She rules.
4. Painfully prolonged, ditzy, melodramatic plotlines that go nowhere, waste time, and grate on the nerves. Sure, Children of Earth was heavy-handed in its ethical and political messages. And it, you know, killed Ianto, and that was horrendous. And Russell T. Davies needs to take a mega chill pill on all of his bad habits as a writer, with the hitting us over the head with morals and the killing of the beloved characters.
But C.o.E was also really, actually, Torchwood. And by and large, it was damn good.
Miracle Day bears no resemblance to the Torchwood we all grew to love through the first three series. That show was tough, action-packed, snide, original, edgy, and brutally emotionally honest. It was adventuresome and brave, and I want it back.
The passive-aggressive, throw-it-at-the-wall, who-cares-if-it-sticks, I-bet-this-sounds-like-really-profound, isn't-that-disturbing???!!!, What-does-that-say-about-us, the-human-race????!!!! DRIVEL of Miracle Day effing bores me to tears and worse, it offends me.
And where. are. the. bloody. ALIENS?!
John Barrowman has recently said that he's hoping Torchwood comes back in some form, someday. May I add that I also hope Torchwood returns in the near future.
As itself.
*Yes, This. So, so this. Thank you, Cheryl. Once again, your music understands everything.
