Divorce Magazine
The next couple of weeks are the Office Party Season,
followed, of course, by Christmas, before moving into January which
statistically is the most likely month to instruct a divorce lawyer. Is there
any connection, other than the intervening Christmas period between the party
fun and the miseries of separation and divorce?
It is certainly not uncommon for the antics at the Office
Party to be quoted as instances of unreasonable behaviour for inclusion in a
subsequent divorce petition.
So how can you guard against this?
Well here are ten tips for surviving the Office Party with
your marriage (and dignity) intact:
1.
What do you wear? Nothing revealing or tight
fitting. In fact consider keeping your coat on and buttoned all evening.
2.
How long do you spend preening yourself? You don’t – just a quick hand wash, comb through
your hair and you’re done. Oh and definitely no exotic fragrances, although if desperate
you could try a spray from the nearest air freshener aerosol.
3.
Do you meet your mates in the pub first? A definite
no here too I’m afraid. Get your spouse to drive you to the venue and, as you
pass the pub, mention casually how everyone else was meeting there for a few
drinks beforehand. That way you will at least have earned a few Brownie points,
in the event that things go wildly wrong later.
4.
What do you drink? No doubt about the answer to
this one: orange juice; yes, I repeat orange juice.
5.
What do you eat? Easy, see the response to question
8 below, but essentially as many cheese and onion crisps and pickles as you can
muster.
6.
Can you dance?
Yes, it is a night to enjoy, although you must ensure that your partner is
the oldest person in the room, regardless of gender.
7.
How do you avoid getting caught in that
embarrassing shot by one of the many mobile phone cameras that will be flashing
all night? Connect only with colleagues over 65 years of age and give everyone
else the cold shoulder if you need to, although hopefully the hints so far will
help resolve this dilemma anyway.
8.
You are conscious that Mel in accounts ,
inebriated by the effects of alcohol and your charms and sheer charisma, will
try to get you to share little intimacies, vampire style. Well if you are sure
that despite the precautions taken so far you are going to be irresistible then
go on an onion and garlic diet for three days beforehand. Top your perfumed
breath up with the pickles and cheese and onion crisps when you get there.
9.
What time do you leave? At precisely 10.30pm to
get home for 11pm. Keep reminding yourself that you’ll turn into a pumpkin and
find your pyjamas neatly folded and stored in the freezer ready to wear, if you
don’t.
10.
What do you say about the party when you get
home? The truth: it was a bore, everyone else drank too much and behaved
outrageously and next year you think you might as well stay in and watch other
people partying on television instead. Your spouse won’t believe you but you
will still have a home to come back to in January.