Today

Pretty can wait.  Paint can wait.  Everything can just fucking wait.
Its just all too close, too real.  Thats my city.  I had friends running, friends watching, a niece across the street in lockdown... the waiting to hear from them, and then hearing their accounts, the news- constant news- its everywhere.  I am angry and sad and my heart hurts, I'm lost today. I have written and deleted this post too many times already, and words don't make sense.  I feel like a rambling mess.  Not much makes sense actually.
My heart and prayers go out to all the families affected by this tragedy and to all the responders that selflessly risked their own lives to help others.  And for peace.  
This violence can happen in any city, and I pray that it will just stop.
My niece slept over last night and we talked about the day.   She had gone down to the finish line on her lunch break and left shortly before the blast.   She just kept telling me how awesome it felt to be down there watching finishers... it was a beautiful day, the crowd was so excited, she said it was one of those days where you just felt so proud to be a Bostonian.  "It was awesome..." is what she kept saying.  That statement is what I am trying to hold on to and focus on despite the horrific events that followed for her shortly after, despite the gruesome images that keep filling my brain.  I was hit by an M-80 firework on Halloween when I was 17 by a bunch of asshole kids throwing eggs (and an M-80) from a car, and I remember the pain and terror I felt when it exploded right next to me and how that is nothing, nothing at all in comparison to what all these bystanders experienced. I cannot imagine, and I am doing my best to squelch my vivid imagination.  
Knowing that we will grow stronger and prouder and that despite a cowardly asshole's attempt, people will continue to run and cheer and say "it was awesome".  We need to hold on to that feeling.  The goodness and happiness we felt before, the innocence, and not let it get taken away by fear and evil because then they win.   That is what I am trying to focus on today, and it isn't easy... because not much else makes sense.