As I type this I am sitting in the bus stationWaiting for the bus home I went in to school this morning Just to give the bridal back that I was practicing on I've decided to take a few days offAs I am starting to struggleAnxiety is getting the better of me And I'm struggling to get out the door n the morning I guess I haven't been looking after myself too wellI haven't been eating properly Or taking my meds correctly And I'm generally feeling run down and tiredOf course I turned to the one place I know I can go to write and get some much needed advice I feel like I have neglected this blogAnd you my friends I'm sorry for that I've just been so busy trying to get through the week That at the end of the day I have zero energy left I have been using Facebook recently It's been fallout of the month And I've been very open there Maybe too open So I'm going to give it a rest for a while And just concentrate on getting wellI really don't want to give up my course But at the same time I need to take care of myself and my mental health So I missed yesterday And this morning was pretty horrible trying psych myself up to go inI drive myself in to the bus And waited at the bus stopI was having a fight with myself whether to go in or not But I had the bridal to return So I got on the bus I walked over to school And met my class mates They were lovely And gave me big hugs I then spoke to my tutor And she said it was fine to take some time off She also said she would make an appointment with the school counselor for me I also contacted Mary And have an appointment with her next week I will also see my doctor And my psychiatrist I really want to build myself up over the next few days And get my strength back So I can be fighting fit when I return next weekI just need some me time I threw myself in to this course at full speed Now it's starting to catch up on meAnd I am flagging
So Over the next few days I'm going to rest Relax Recouperate Lots of Honey and Lea time I also have some work to do at home so I will try to keep up with everyone else Of course now I am wondering if I did the right thing taking time off And I feel like did I do the right thing?But I have to trust my gut And go with that I'm just a bit worried about falling behind And missing out But lookI have made the decision now So I just have to go with itAnd trust that I know me best And know when I need to slow down And cool the jetsI'm also hoping to catch up on you blogs And get up to date with what's happening with y'all And as for me?I guess I need to sort a few things out Especially how open I am about my issuesAs after writing about them on FBI felt really exposed and vulnerable I asked people what they thought about writing such things on such an open forum I got a mixed response Some said it was a brave thing to do Some said it could put me in a very vulnerable positionI am undecided But I will give it a rest for a few daysJust to breathe And to sort my head out That's me I'm not perfect I never professed to be I am flawed I have a mind that works faster than I can process the informationI have a wild imaginationSome might call that paranoia I've been known to read too much in to things And over think until my brain hurts
Edit: I am now back home I've been here an hour And already I'm bored sillyNow I'm regretting saying I'll take some time off And am thinking about going in to tomorrow and Friday And taking Monday and Tuesday of for appointmentsIf I seem a bit all over the place It's because I amI'm restless Uneasy Anxious Where ever I am I want to be somewhere else I don't know I guess I will play it by earWatch this space I will keep you updated....
