Thoughts on Waiting and Why It's Hard
I think the hardest part of waiting in singleness for me is the fact that I simply will have no control over WHEN or WHO or HOW. I mean God has given me confirmation that He has a WHO but nothing else. No other specifics. And I personally am a planner.
I lean towards the "type A" personality and that means I'm an organizer, planner, and time keeper. A friend of mine actually designated me to be her "time keeper" at her future wedding. She is not currently dating so who knows when she will be graced with my time-keeping abilities. But I'm touched that she has thought that far ahead. Come to think of it, that is probably b/c she too is a planner. Anyways, I digress...
The thing about the way God works is that He gives you these gifts and talents and things you're really good at. He then gives you times and places to demonstrate those gifts. Like my job for instance. I get paid every day to be organized, be a decision maker, and have excellent time management skills.
I have held several leadership positions using these qualities all being ordained by God. But then when it comes to my romance life (which is currently nonexistent) God wants me to take a backseat. "I got this Nicole" He says. And so He does not want me to choose the "who", dictate the "when" or influence the "how". He just wants me to trust.
"But Jesus, haven't I been doing really great at being a leader in all of these other areas of my life?" And I know what His response is. Because in this season He has made it so clear as to how emotionally unhealthy and misguided I have been that I could not have possibly picked a great "who" or "when" or "how".
The other thing about me is, I always think I'm right. And I'm slowly coming to the reality that I am actually not always right. God is actually right more times than I am b/c, well, He is right ALL THE TIME. So not only do I need to exhibit faith b/c I cannot have control over this plan He has for my romantic life but I also need to humble myself to say, His plan is best. Selah.
Another trait about my personality type is that I am goal-oriented. So part of me desires marriage to simply check it off my checklist. Something to accomplish. Another notch under my belt. But God's word to me has been that I must become more people-oriented.
I must focus on the people currently in my life and the relationships currently in my life so that I can become the person He created me to be. I must fully give myself over to these people and this season and this life experience and in doing so I am being further prepared for my future. I must live in the "now".
I know from past experience when I have chosen to live in the now and focus on the now, the waiting itself has disappeared. My focus has shifted and the "goal" was no longer the focus. The "now" was. And when I rest in the "now" or simply think of Him, I'm reminded that He is my Abba.
That I know Him, and even better, He knows me. He knows me through and through. He knows my tastes and preferences. He knows my emotional needs and He knows what will best manifest my purpose. He also knows when I will be healthy enough to handle another person being thrown into the mix of my already full of people life. And therefore, His WHO and WHEN and HOW will be just what I need.
That is the place I know He wants His children to reside from. That place of trust.
~ Author and Blogger, Nicole D. Miller
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