Diaries Magazine

Things I Really Shouldn't Tell You About My School Year So Far

By Dmroughton
    Things I Really Shouldn't Tell You About My School Year So Far
  • On Friday, I was down to just one pair of clean underwear, some flannel Tar Heel boxers. Putting them on, I realized the entire ass was blown out at the seam. Since I only had three minutes left to get ready for work, I wore them anyway - all day.
  • Knowing that I was about to start back hard core on my Atkins diet and wanting to savor every tasty carb I could over Labor Day weekend, I accidentally dropped a bite of brownie on the floor and immediately popped it in my mouth without a second thought. Mmmmmmm. Brownies.
  • We played drinking games in my neighborhood for Labor Day. The next morning instead of ibuprofen I took four Immodium by mistake. I'm wondering if I will ever poop again.
  • In my office while replying to an internet student whose question was beyond stupid, I actually typed out "stupid mo-fo." Luckily before I hit send, I realized I would like to continue to be able to pay my mortgage.
  • Over a period of about two weeks, I had so much sex for so long with my girlfriend that I injured Mr. Happy, and for three days afterwards, he looked like a snake moulting its skin. His new name is Mr. Injured Reserve. I just hope he doesn't have to redshirt for an entire season.

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