Diaries Magazine

"Thems Are the Stupidest People I Have Ever Met!"

By Jennyphresh @feralpony
A discussion with my five-year-old son at summer camp, after his first night in the cabin:
Mom: How do you like your new cabinmates?
B: Thems are the stupidest people I have ever met!
Mom: They seem nice! Why would you say that?
B: Well, N. farted on a piece of gum before he gave it to me.
Mom: Oh. Did you chew the gum?
B: Well, yeah. It was my first piece of gum ever; come on! OF COURSE I chewed it.
Mom: And what about K.? Is he nice?
B: He's the second stupidest person in the whole world. N. is the first. He's so mean to me!
Mom: What does he do?
B: Well, when I am sleeping in the night, he climbs up to my bed and punches me in the head! I never wake up, but I think he's doing it.
Mom: You said you don't wake up?
B: No, I stay asleep! I'm tired from running around and stuff. He's gotta stop punching me in the head while I am sleeping, though. That kid is a rotten kid.
Note: Both N. and K. were determined to be sweet and decent children, and the three became fast friends.

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