Diaries Magazine

The Zombie Apocalypse Wasn't What I Expected

By Parentingsmh @parentingsmh
 I don't know when this became a habit but it finally hit me this weekend.  The word "treat" in my house has become some type of trigger, that turns my boys into zombie-like creatures.  
My kids have become conditioned, not to expect a treat, but to demand it.  It's pretty safe to say I (we) had something to do with it.  
Now, I don't buy candy for them, but they do get candy from other people.  So when they get candy for Halloween, Easter, Christmas, Saint Bart's Day (not sure if it's real, but I am sure if it was, people would give them candy for it), we stockpile it and ration it out to them for good behavior and incentives.  

I know, I know, recipe for disaster, right?  
But it was working and I was getting results.  

Having trouble at dinner time?  No problem.  Eat 5 bites and get 3 jelly beans.   You used the potty?  Excellent!  Here's a lollipop.
All of a sudden, treat started to sound like a four letter word to me.  One kid would ask for a treat, and then the other would chime in, starting a chorus that seemed more like zombie chants.   Soon my kids were following me around like mindless drones, with their hands stretched out .. "treat, treat, treat, want treat". They really did start creeping me out, and I realized, this is it, the zombie apocalypse (not really, but it felt like it at the time, kind of).   It was definitely, not what I expected.  I was getting prepared for this:              
Even though, it wasn't the full on end of days, The Zombie Survival Guide does come in handy.


Here are some helpful tips from the guide:
1. Organize before they rise.


This is a really good one, but not that easy to accomplish.  Why?  Parents are tired and need sleep.  Unlike zombies kids we don't have an endless supply of energy, but if you can pull it off, things usually do end up as chaotic (I said AS chaotic).
2. They feel no fear, why should you?  
See, this is the type of stuff parents need to know.  Your kids are not afraid of you. Nope. Not a one of them.  That's why they will punch, slap, kick, and try to claw your eyes out.  They know we can't handle it, we don't know how to respond.  That's why you've got to keep them on their toes, become unpredictable (in a not dangerous and creepy way), especially if you have boys, let them know you're not afraid to tackle them, and you should.
3. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.
If your kids every spends the night at Grandma's, goes to school, or day care, its easy to let your guard down and start to relax, you know, feel "normal"  like you're back in control.  Well, don't, because they're coming back. They always come back.


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