Dear AMused Blog readers,
It’s been so long since I’ve written to you in the way that I used to: a journal style entry. Over the years I have worked on my writing voice, crafting it in a way that I wanted to be both relatable but also “pr worthy” (I think I have accomplished that quite well). But - I do miss the more serendipitous ways that this site used to operate: crafting thrifted outfits in my tiny 240 sq ft studio that I shared with my then boyfriend, cat, and guinea pig, off of Santa Rosa Ave. I wanted so badly to be seen as more - and to hide that I was living in a studio that was adjacent to a trailer park. That was 10 years ago now.
A week ago I turned 36. Last night I called my mother to say hello and we spoke all the way until midnight. I told her about the two words that I am “holding space for, waiting for them to become more mailable in my hands…to see what shape they will take.” I told her these two words are important; they will form the foundation of my best selling memoir. We spoke about James Baldwin, Angela Davis, and how children and dogs will always, always tell on their parents and owners in the most unexpected ways.
Right now I am waiting for my caffeine to kick in - a loose leaf black tea (that I am certain I have absolutely made too strong) that will give me the jolt needed to find the resolve to go hiking before it gets too hot. I love hiking. At least, I hope I still do. Hiking has been a struggle lately; perhaps it’s because I’m not taking in enough calories, or because it’s been so smoky and hot…or perhaps a combination of the two. Time outdoors, otc serotonin boosters, and the company of animals keep me positive these days - so I need to remind myself that hiking, eating, and socializing in the ways that I can will keep me healthy.
I thought I knew what you wanted to read here; the bts tell-all of the events in May, but I must say…I am pleasantly surprised (soothed?) to discover that most of you simply want to know that I am ok. And the answer is…I am adjusting. I have found a rhythm. I am hoping that a melody will come next…and then the lyrics, and then the hook.
Thank you for being here.
Amber
