The 2012 London Olympics have been underway since Friday night, and I gotta say: I have some pretty mixed feelings about the opening ceremony and the subsequent sporting events. My thoughts kind of arranged themselves in my head like this, and I thought I would share them with you in chronological order. Like so:
- What was up with that freaky glowing baby? Am I the only one who was weirded out by that eerie looking baby during the Opening Ceremony? It kind of looked like a ghostly glowstick that was heavily influenced by Paranormal Activity.
- Gilderoy Lockheart. Tell me SOMEBODY besides me and my brother noticed that the narrator was the fumbling, vain and hilarious Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher from Harry Potter. Furthermore, is it sad that HP is the only reason I recognized him? No. Not really.
- Chariots of Fire. Mr. Bean. Chariots of Fire. Nuff' said.
- Michael Phelps. Despite being insanely tall and famous, the most decorated Olympian in history couldn't quite catch up to Ryan Lochte. Ya know. The guy who wears a layer of rhinestones on his teeth? Because obviously teeth aren't good enough when you can just have bling. Anyway, I still love Michael Phelps. He's a cool dude.
- Nightmare Sequence at the OC. Um...I was expecting Captain Hook and Peter Pan, but instead I got a bunch of dudes in costumes that looked to me like a cross between a Jawa and a Dementor. What was that supposed to mean? Also, why did they jump from World War I to National Health Care? What about the Second World War and Winston Churchill and Princess Diana and all of Britain's monumental maritime achievements? Seriously. There's more to Britain's heritage than socialized medicine, people! The Queen should have broken out into Kung Fu with James Bond or something instead.
- Women's Gymnastics. You people have GOT to watch the 'Fab 5,' which is the USA team of girls competing for the gold in this year's Olympics. I just had to mention that.
- In conclusion. Lastly, why do some of the Olympians bite their gold medals? Maybe they're afraid that they're fake. Also, why do the swimmers pour bottles of water all over themselves before they get into the pool? Maybe they think they'll save time by getting wet before they jump in?
I'm just kidding.
Or am I?
Have a great day, peeps!
