My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, but after a couple of years together I went on the pill and it completely killed my previously-high sex drive; during the 3 years I was on it I could probably count the number of times we had sex. Once I realized the cause of the problem I stopped taking the pill and our sex life improved dramatically. The problem is that my boyfriend become afraid to initiate sex with me during those years, so he always waits for me to initiate it; however, I’m sexually submissive and really want him to lead. How can I boost his confidence after three years of making it worse?
Since it seems to me that you and your boyfriend are very honest with one another, I think the direct approach is called for here. Explain to him that now you’re off the pill, you’ve returned to normal…and that “normal” for you means enjoying being the submissive partner. Promise him that you won’t turn him down unless you’re really sick or something, and encourage him to be the aggressor. Also, it won’t hurt if you play up how excited you get when he takes the initiative; yes, it’s a bit dishonest but think of it as a “white lie” which will help to make him more confident and thereby result in better sex for both of you. I’m sure you’ll eventually be able to dispense with it once he realizes that you really, truly do want him to be the sexually dominant one, because once he gets the hang of it he’ll see the results in your natural responses. And I suspect it won’t take all that long for him to learn.
You answered my questions about heterosexual male escorts in “Vice Versa” and I’ve done a lot of research since then, but I have a follow-up question: If you personally were to pay for a male escort, what is the #1 service you would like him to deliver to you?
I literally cannot even imagine a situation in which I would conceivably pay a man for sex. That’s just completely alien to me, not only because I could easily get a man to pay me for any sex or company I might want, but also because I don’t experience spontaneous sexual desire in the way some women do, much less the way guys do. And if I don’t need or even really want something, why in the world would I spend good money on it?
When a prostitute sleeps with a physically attractive (to her) client, does she enjoy the sex more or is it just a better-than-average work day?
Attraction and sexual pleasure are more complicated for women than for men, and more complicated still for whores. Clients who are attractive and know it can often be a huge pain, because they imagine it should get them some sort of bonus or special treatment. So while it’s absolutely true that some work sex is more enjoyable than other work sex, the reason may or may not have anything to do with a client’s attractiveness; it could be due to the way he treats the escort, a rapport they have, or something even less definable.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
