It's been a week since he left.
I knew it was comingand even stillthe departure of my youngestbrought me to my knees.
I don't usually write about emotional situationswhen they are still green in my heart …
But I fear if I don't write nowI will lose the authentic emotions.I want to remember fullycrossing this river of transitioninto a truly empty nestno matter how hard it is.
That's how I know I will be able to usher in the next phase of my lifewith honor, dignity and passion.
I want to rememberthat I loved my son fiercelyand still was able to let go with grace.
For me there is always a grieving process when they leave ...
As it has beenwith each of my children as they have moved outfor lives of their own.
When my daughter left for collegeI was so very lostit took me a couple of yearsto find myself againafter full time parenting for so long.
It was her leaving for collegethat got me blogging.
I was at such a loss for selfI had absolutely no idea of personal directionand only that I had a huge gaping hole in my heart.
I started this blog organically and privatelyby just focusing on finding one beautifully picture a day.Hiking on the beachreminded memy life will go on …even without her daily in my life.
I taught myself to focus on beauty and gratitude.I made it through to be better than before.
When my oldest son left for collegeI let his alarm clock ring every morningin the emptiness that was left behind.
I knew it would be a process of getting over another gaping hole in my heart.I gave myself time to mourn a passing of a time in my life.
But I didn't give myself too much time.I once again doubled up in myfocusing of gratitude and beauty.
This timebeing as it was the third departure I thought I would have it all together.
After not writing much of anything of this final departureI had imagined my first post on the subjectwould be a glowing and helpful article onSelf Care During An Emptying Nest.
Instead this week it was more ofI'm Not Myself … Again.I was right back as grief stricken … as I had been before.
Such a roller coaster of emotions it's been this week.From the first departure day of I've got this just fine.I'm sadbut I've processed his leavingbefore the factso I'm emotionally healthy and good.
To the next night of not even being able to sleepdue to such severe heartache.Which made the idea of getting out of bed the next daytoo overwhelming.
To almost a week of the saddest haunting dreamsof seeing their homesbut no front doors …
To a myriad of dreams that seem to unleash every loss memoryI ever had.
Children leaving homeeven under the best of circumstancesas all of mine have left ...
are one of life's truly bittersweet moments.
Filled with I couldn't be prouder of the wonderful individuals they have become.
Loving adultsfull of character, strong work ethicsgoing after their own passions in life.
Just as I have always hoped they would be.Just what I had worked so diligently fortheir entire life.
I am proud and grateful.
But in the exact same momentsI had to overcome the urge to flail myself aroundin my broken heartedness of the feelings of loss in the moment.
The irrational feelings of being used upandleft behind.(Lack of sleep never helps any emotional situation).
I have allowed myself some pity partiesthis weekbut I was very carefulto schedule them alone in my room.I didn't want any of "this" to spill out and mar any other relationships.
Althougha best friendlet me rant and rail on an early morning hikeand for thatI will be ever grateful.C. you know I love you.
And other friends
who hiked with me this week
and
reminded me that there is so much good to come!
But as the days have passedtodayfelt a breaking of the griefa lightening of spirit.
I am so gratefulI have been practicing good self care all week …
So putting back the preverbal pieceswill be easier this third time around.
I have no doubtthere will still be emotional stormsto ride out regarding my truly empty nest …
But for todayI can see the other side of the river for the first time since Hunter moved out.
I will still miss himbut his move is localand has already returned for our weekly family dinners.
TodayI can feel the devastating sadness beginning to break apartdrifting in is the slight breeze of excitementin planning this newest life transition and adventure.
So here's to feeling the painof the final child flying the nestand moving towards the other side.
I think I'm going to grow to love this newest view.
From here I can see so much beautyand ever so much to be thankful for …
Especially you my dear readers!It has been your encouragement and lovethat have helped champion me to this viewthese last few years.
My heart will be forever grateful.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joyas you style your life
