The Joy of Parenting Young Adults

I love where we are in life with the kids, but occassionally guiding big kids can be so incredibly hard and frustrating at times. I am convinced young adults don’t mean to be challenging, I have come to realize that it’s not so much about them trying to be difficult, but more about their limited life experience. Their limited life experience and world view butts heads with our life experience and much larger world view. Sometimes it is just about learning to communicate better with them, and sometimes it’s about finding a better way to communicate when they report back we are not hearing them or frustrating them. Sometimes, depending on the situation it is about allowing them to just make their own mistakes so that they understand where we are coming from. I could give you a 100 examples over the last fortnight where I have had to hold my tongue from blurting out the words, ‘I told you so!’. It’s not easy, but at the end of the day, I am not in the business of infuriating our young adults. I want them to want to come talk to us even if they don’t like the advice they may get. This can only happen if we don’t let conversations turn into heated discussions or full blown arguments. I have mentioned to my kids a number of times through the last few years that this is my first time parenting, so it would be nice if they can be a little understanding when it takes me a moment or five with the letting go part of parenting. Let alone parenting a young adult. I have to remind myself and ask myself the question, what about this situation is triggering my need to hold this young adult hostage at this time? If there isn’t anything that I can put my finger on, I tend to let go and put parameters on whatever the activity is. Also, I am learning to not just answer the questions, but to guide them through ‘have you thought of this, that or the other’ types of questions? I find that this helps them come to their own answers to their questions. Obviously this doesn’t always work the way I feel it should but it does help most of the time. Occasionally I wish we had the opportunity to turn back time to when they were all little. In so many ways it was easier when they were little, but at the same time, I really love seeing what they are up to now. For example, this last Friday evening the Tafe put on an exhibition for the graduating advanced diploma students in fashion, and the cert III students were encouraged to enter a couple of items into the fashion parade. Our baby girl, Nell, is part of the cert iii class and entered the dress she made for the night. Her friend Ebony was happy to model it for her, and also modelled for a past student (House of Clare). It was so exciting to be part of the audience and it really excites me to think that next year we get to celebrate Nell completing her diploma course. I so can’t wait to see Chanel’s collection, already her brain has started imagining all that she could do for her collection. One might need to remind her that the Tafe fashion parade is a shared experience for the students, but I do love the ideas that are flowing. We have one just finishing her first semester at uni, and another who is wanting to start their patisserie course next year in Brisbane. She is trying to work out the best pathway for her go. A private college or the South Brisbane tafe? The cost of the course is part of her decision making plans but her heart has been set on the private college for a long time? It will be interesting to see what route she decides on. I am so glad we still have time with our young man J. Choosing his elective subjects for school next year was fun and interesting to see where he was leaning. He has a great head on his shoulders. I can’t wait to see where these subjects lead him. Year 10 will give him new choices and new opportunities. As he continues to discover who he is and what he is about, I hope that over the next 12 months we can work out what kinds of subjects really interest him so we can help direct his pathway through his senior years at school. So here we are on the tail end of the school year with 5 days of school left to go, and I must say that I am super excited to have time with my family over the holiday period. Yes my girls will have to still work but for some reason the Summer holidays seem to make everything alright. I love this time of year. xo