Trust, love, kindness, generosity of sprit, the golden rule, and respect are some of the integral components of a healthy relationship. They help create stability, strength, unity, and safety and help couples through difficult and challenging times. Yet, despite the strength of a relationship, outside influences can and do affect and damage relationships. Sometimes, but not always, beyond repair. The ever growing, ever changing impact of social media, most notably Facebook, is one of them.
On the positive side, there are many benefits to Facebook – family reunifications and connections, the ability to keep up with people’s everyday lives, and stay connected with many people simultaneously. However, sometimes too much of a good thing can wreak havoc, especially on relationships. That is a downside to Facebook.
Facebook can provoke jealousy among friends and foes and negatively affect a romantic relationship, which often takes a “nose dive” when one partner becomes overly involved with Facebook. This can occur when a partner spends too much time on Facebook or connects with a “friend” and has an extramarital affair or starts another relationship outside of their current one.
For example, Mary arrives home from work and after spending a few minutes with her partner, sits down on the couch and spends the rest of the evening posting and scrolling through her friends’ posts. There is little conversation between Mary and her partner because she spends the rest of the evening on Facebook. Any attempts at communication are thrwarted. After awhile, her partner gives up. Who could compete?
Or the spouse who has “up and left” the marriage and moved to another state to be with someone they met on Facebook. What may ostensibly start out as an “innocent private email” can soon catapult into an emotional affair, possibly a relationship, maintained by clandestine emails, texting, sometimes sexting, and Skype. Often these relationships begin due to feeling vulnerable, isolated or disconnected, experiencing problems in their own relationship or marriage, the excitement brought on by novelty, or sheer boredom. Its important to note that although an emotional affair does not always become a physical affair, it is just as damaging to the relationship.
According to research conducted by Richard Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, ”high levels of Facebook use among couples significantly predicted Facebook-related conflict, which then significantly predicted negative relationship outcomes such as cheating, breakup, and divorce.” “Cutting back to moderate, healthy levels of Facebook usage could help reduce conflict, particularly for newer couples who are still learning about each other.” (Read the entire article, Facebook Can Damage Your Relationship).
Where once a couple believed their relationship to be impenetrable, they discover that to be untrue and the trust has been broken. However, a closer inspection of the relationship unveils deeper, long term relationship turmoil, bitterness, unspoken words, unresolved conflict, and deep resentment. Yet, despite the obstacles, many couples do survive the turmoil and the affair (of any sort). Positive communication and interactions, forgiveness, honesty, transparency, and taking responsibility for one’s behaviors helps repair the relationship and in many cases, makes it stronger.
There are many benefits to seeking professional help from a relationship therapist. A therapist will not only provide an objective viewpoint, but can also help couples discuss and tackle the emotional and challenging issues often created with infidelty and the negative effects of Facebook in a safe environment.
Want to learn ways to safe guard your relationship against Facebook? Check out the book, Facebook and Your Marriage.
