Diaries Magazine

the Hard Days.

By Agadd @ashleegadd

“I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” -Psalm 34:4

I’m feeling quiet this week. No real reason, just do. I’ve cried a lot the past few days, and I’m not sure what that’s about. Some days, it’s hard to be pregnant. Some days I totally freak out and I don’t feel ready for this and anxiety gets the best of me. That anxiety is followed by guilt and the guilt is followed by tears. Pretty soon I’m just sobbing for no reason, sitting on the floor thinking about All The Change that is coming my way.

I’ve always been good with change. New city, new job, new friends—bring it on! But this? This is permanent. This is LIFE CHANGE. This is going to change everything about me, and about us. It will change our daily routine and the way our home looks and how we spend money and what we worry about and the very love that we have for each other. The joy in my heart certainly outweighs the uneasiness, but I’ve had to pray a lot this week for God to remind me of that.

I’ve spent the last few nights snuggled up in bed reading, embracing the silence of our bedroom. A silence that will soon be filled with screams and cries and coos and giggles. As excited as I am for that day to arrive, I am starting to feel very possessive over this time that we have left.

It might be quiet around this blog for the next few weeks. Brett and I are heading out of town for what some people would call a “babymoon” (although I refuse to call it that). To be honest, we really need a break from being grownups. A break from taxes and car accidents, bills and budgets. We need a week together, to just….breathe, and focus on nothing but each other.

I hope to come back tan, refreshed, renewed, and hopefully not ten pounds bigger (but I make no promises). See you soon, friends.

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