On August 13th, at 9:03am, at the crosswalk of 3rd Street and Santa Rosa Avenue, I was struck by a car as a pedestrian. This month marks seven years since that event - yet I will never forget the sound of my body hitting the car, the incredible weightlessness I felt as my body went through the air, and the kindness of the strangers who were there when I woke up in the middle of the road.
Looking back over these last several years, I cannot believe how how different my life looks today: the isolation that I felt from my accident, the loss of relationships, the very real, very hard mental and physical work that has been required to not only recover from the accident, but to thrive, and create the life I have wanted.
I wrote this article in 2014: and while every lesson remains true for me today (although sadly, Eloise is no longer with me), I couldn't publish it all those years ago- it was still too soon. I often try to heal before I am ready; I think if I just force myself to be "okay" that I will eventually will be...which, isn't fair to myself. Healing, processing from a traumatic event, it all takes time.
It has been seven years since my accident. Psychology and science both tell us that our lives rotate in a seven-year cycle. Interestingly enough, my accident happened a few days before the end of one of those cycles - and now, it is about to end. I feel that this marks the closing of this chapter for me, and I am so proud of myself for making it through; there have often been times where I feared I would not.
Inspired by rediscovering this post, I decided that I would share with you the lessons 2014 has taught me - ones that still very much apply to today❤
9 Lessons Learned from 2014
I cannot control others. This was a big one for me. I've never thought of myself as a controlling person, however the accident took a lot of control away from me in every aspect of my life. It changed the way I showered and dressed myself, it changed my outlook and beliefs, and it challenged all of my personal relationships. I often felt that others couldn't understand what I was experiencing in the aftermath of my accident, and I was right. There was nothing that I could say or do to make them understand, and I had to come to terms with that.
My cat is not my best friend. Eloise my cat is a wonderful creature. She is incredibly loving and gentle (even when I bathe her). On the worst of my days I would tell myself that I had no need for others, that all I needed was myself and my cat, and I could stay at home and cuddle with my her avoiding crosswalks for the rest of my life. Not true. Life is meant to be lived.
People have their limits, unless I pay them. I know how cynical this sounds, but I have found it to be incredibly freeing. Friends and loved ones have their limits. I was recovering from a serious physical accident, and I saught a medical professional. The same went for my mental injuries. It is because of my lawyer and 3 specialists that I am where I am today. I am thankful to my friends and loved ones who where there when I needed them, but I would not have made it to the healthy physical and mental state that I am in today without their expertise.
Be careful with vulnerability. My accident taught me that many will be willing to listen to you; but not all will have your best interest at heart. For a majority of those who asked about my accident, I, and my story was a form of entertainment for them. I was telling a story, and they expected a performance. Not every one deserves to know on this intimate of a level. Be protective with what makes you the most vulnerable.
Anger kills. I have dealt with a lot of anger over the last 16 months. I have always known that anger was never good for a person to harbor, but I am so grateful to now know that it is in fact dangerous. Anger comes from the loss of control, when anger itself is hard to control.
People are good. This year has been one of pain and regrowth, but it has also shown me the side of humanity that has left me believing in the beauty of others. For the all many lows that I experienced from feeling like I had been 'let down' by others, I have also had the unexpected joys of experiencing the selflessness of others. Those experiences have had a profound affect on me.
Everything does not happen for a reason. I would be a masochist if I believed my accident, and everything that followed was 'part of the plan' for my life. Letting go of this belief saved my mental sanity.
Be gentle. If there is one thing that I repeat to myself on a regular basis, it is to be gentle. For me my accident was both an outward and inward struggle. When the bruises faded, many thought that I was healed. There are so many hurts and struggles and hidden pains that everyone all around us is struggling with. I remind myself to be more gentle than I feel, as most people are struggling with hurts that I cannot see.
Take risks. This is something that I am still learning. My accident has made me a very cautious person. Where I once considered myself serendipitous and carefree, I am now cautious and somewhat nervous. Life may not always reward us in the ways we hope when we take risks, but I tell myself that life and its experiences do not reward the cautious. It rewards those who chase the dawn and dare it to shine a little brighter each morning.
