The Day I Felt Like an Outcast

This post is an anonymous GUEST POST

I was in the last year of Uni at the time trying to keep my head above water but slowly sinking. I had lost all my friends and lived in a little bubble with the man I was engaged to at the time. This man had stripped me of my confidence and the fun loving me to the point I didn’t make conversation to people unless I really had to. I was wearing my rose tinted glasses I couldn’t see the real problem in the relationship. His dad was also a bully and would be very nasty and humiliate me.One day when I was at uni I got a text from Fred (not his real name) saying Im going shopping for xmas presents with his best friend and his best friends girl friend who happened to be one of my friends and some girl I didn’t have a clue who she was. I wasn’t too bothered as I’m not the jealous type and thought well he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. It was getting late so called him however his phone went straight to answer phone. I get a call later and he said the shops closed at 6pm so he couldn’t go shopping. (I knew full well the shops had late night shopping) I was really upset and my mind began to play games with me.The next day he called and told me we need to talk, so I went to his. I was told its not working anymore we need a break for a month and see other people. I was heart broken the only “friend” I had left was telling me I was no longer wanted.We made it up a few days later and then a few days later after that he told me it was over. I went home in tears nothing would take away the pain. My parents had gone away for the weekend I had nobody and felt whats the point anymore no one would miss me. I took a load of pills and decided I did not want to be here anymore. My ex rang and realised what I did. That night changed my life forever. My brother thought we were being broken in to because my ex was trying to get in. I was rushed to hospital where I was made to feel like scum.I probably deserved it as I was taking up a hospital bed which someone who wasn’t well could use. I was really ill and the nurses just slung a sick bowl at me. She even made my brother clear the mess up. I had to be seen by the mental health nurse which made me so upset.I got home and realised that there was a few people who would have been broken hearted if I had died. I realised I was extremely selfish. I felt like an outcast from that day. I had to make so much effort to get the old me back and make myself stronger. I have lots of friends now only a few know about this. But what I learnt there’s always something better you just have to work at it and trying to kill yourself isn’t the easy way out. I knucled down at uni and managed to get the grade I wanted.My ex messages me now and again however I chose to ignore them as he is only telling me how fab his life is and how much money he has. That cant compete with having a fab partner and a lovely little boy. It makes me sad that if I had succeeded and died I would never have known what it was like to have a little boy and would never have had that mommy baby bond. I thank God everyday for not letting me die that night.