I have two kids. Son is five and daughter is two. As the thing goes, both are chalk and cheese in every aspect. The older one is happy go lucky, non-aggressive angelic soul and the younger one is ''I want it now and I want it how" personified. If terrible twos really exist, I can safely (?) say that I am reporting from ground zero.
Maximum calamity, Maximum damage. Wardrobe rejection, "No'' is THE favorite word, Crying fest on the lines of nuclear explosions, Demands that defy logic- you name it, we have it. On really bad days, if we adults need to discuss something, say like the grocery list, we don't say the name of the items, we spell them out, just in case she overhears us and might go into a rolling tantrum for ''chicken''(see ehch aye see kay ee en you see) at10 pm.
Let's just put it this way, the first year had its own challenges- Zero sleep patterns, long feeding sessions and multiple diaper changes. All this changes for better in the second year. What also changes is that a two year old discovers the idea of ''self'', is infinitely curious and has the required mobility to go explore things that he's curious about- and this simply spells trouble for the parents. For the first time we parents set limits and for the first time we get into battle of wills with them- No running on the road (you bet), don't touch the trash can (heck, I will), Don't put random objects in your mouth (you kidding me, mom?).
A two year old is so curious to explore the world that when it comes up against a barrier- like a parent stopping him or her due to safety concerns or the limitations of mobility, for example, is unable to climb a ladder etc- it results in frustration because, let's face it, kids don't have a plethora of emotions. They are either happy, sad, angry or at peace. The in-betweens don't exist. The limited vocabulary to express how they are feeling or what exactly they want further adds insult to injury. Result? Yes you guessed it- rolling on the floor, shrieking, throwing objects, stomping and jumping- which we roll together and coin them as tantrums of THE TERRIBLE TWOS.
As a child grows, her ability to understand the world around her as well as her physical strengths and limitations, increases. She understands that if she is being denied something, there is a logical reason behind it. However, the challenges also grow with the understanding.., isn't it? A move, addition of a sibling or passing away of a loved one...all these affect the child on a completely different level than how it affects an adult. With no ''adult like'' understanding to deal with her emotions, a child might turn to aggression- Kicking, biting, hitting and sulking. How to deal with tantrums might require a separate post may be, but here are some pointers-
- Do not try to reason in the midst of a tantrum.
- Do not lose your own cool. It will lead nowhere.
- Encourage the child to put in words what exactly he or she is feeling
- Giving a royal ignore to the tantrums once in a while is completely ok.
- If the tantrums happen only at a certain time like when one is leaving for playschool etc, do your research about what exactly is bothering the child- bullying or a not so friendly caretaker maybe.
While all of this might sound perfect in theory, there are days when I, myself want to run away to the jungle without a backward glance. The only respite on such days is the thought that this too shall pass. So grit your teeth, put on a smile and think of all the joys that come with parenting. Because in the heart of our hearts, we all know that given a chance, we would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Also because nothing can replace the joy of bringing up, creating and molding a fine human being- Hold on to the thought while I go and stop her from murdering the fridge door by bludgeoning it with the TV remote.
