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Superhero Movies Are Pretty Much The Worst

By Robert Bruce @robertbruce76

Hold on…it’s Hot Take Friday!

Yes, I’m not a fan of superhero movies and perhaps that puts me in a minority among middle-aged males, but I can’t help it.

Don’t get me wrong…I used to like the superhero films. I remember watching the early versions of Superman with Christopher Reeve and the late 80s-early 90s cheesy Batman movies.

I enjoyed them as a kid. Now, though, I’d probably rather watch a Lifetime movie starring an aging Jason Priestley.

It’s too simple to say I “outgrew” superhero movies. That really has nothing to do with it. I still play video games. I still cheer for sports teams like I’m a 12 year old with no other responsibilities in the world. I didn’t outgrow those things, and I didn’t outgrow superhero movies.

At some point, though, probably around the time of the Toby McGuire Spiderman flicks, I totally lost interest. Superhero flicks became boring.

There’s no originality, little thought, and thinly layered storytelling. For all their action, for all their grandiose, epic battle scenes, the superhero movie leaves so much to be desired.

It’s the same reason I find car races so dreadful to watch. In theory, 50 cars traveling around a circle at 200 miles an hour should be entertaining. In theory. Three hours of watching said cars travel around a circle, however, begins to resemble the effects of Ambien with a shot of Jack Daniels.

The last true superhero movie I watched (I don’t count Batman as a superhero, and that’s why I mostly enjoyed the recently trilogy) was The Avengers. I recall one scene toward the end of the movie in which aliens flew out of the sky for, literally, 20 minutes.

The Avengers fought aliens flying out of the sky for 20 minutes. It was like a big budget version of Space Invaders or Galaga, with about the same level of storytelling and variety of combat.

What makes the superhero genre even worse is they keep recycling the same crap over and over and over. Hollywood has lost almost all its creativity.

How many Spiderman/Superman/X Men/Captain America movies do we need? And we’re to the point where we’re rebooting the same crap every ten years!

And WTF is “Ant Man?” I just heard of a superhero named “Ant Man.” It reminds me of this SNL skit with Adam Sandler.

Are we to the point of just looking around, pointing at the first thing we see, throwing a “man” after it, then—voila!—we have a new superhero.

As I look around my home office, I see a calendar. I’m proud to introduce you guys to Desk Calendar Man! He’ll save you from ever being late again! Desk Calendar Man…the superhero who’s always in the nick of time! Blech.

Sorry, guys, I hope to avoid offending to many of you—especially those of you who might be hardcore superhero fans. But I can’t stomach these movies anymore. Not until Hollywood comes up with a new idea. Can we just get a little variety up in here? Can we have an original thought?

Until then, death to the superhero movie! And, yes, I know it will never happen—they make way too much money.

Now, tell me how wrong I am. Go!

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