Although I have worked with people with anxiety disorders, it has never been a focus of my practice. However, since moving to New York City, the number of people I treat, as well as those I know professionally and personally, who present with stress and anxiety has increased exponentially.
I wonder what it is about New York City that creates such stress and anxiety. Is it different here than in other places? The answer I have found is, yes. Listen to the chatter on the streets and observe people and you will quickly discover that life here is fast paced and the desire to compete looms around us. People feel the pressure to keep up, to survive and thrive. New York City is the hub of opportunity.
In his article, The Ecology of Stress, Clive Thomas wrote about this very thing stating, “Take a few million type-A strivers, jam them into tiny apartments and 50-hour-a-week jobs, deprive them of grass and nature, then have them drink way too much and travel around in cramped underground tubes: That is a nearly perfect environment for overwhelming the ‘allostatic system’—the scientific term for the bodily processes that help us manage stressful events.”
Yet, despite the stress and the anxiety that living in the city provokes, regardless of where you live, it’s prevalent in everyday life. What is a main culprit of all this stress and anxiety? It is the pursuit of a “balanced” life. People try to figure out a way to include all the things in their lives that are important – work, family, friends, relationships, and fun – in a balanced way. But, let’s face it, does having a balanced life really exist? I don’t believe it does.
Thus, I have stopped using the word “balance” and I now use the words integration and fusion. This provides a broader concept and helps people realize that integrating all the important areas of their life is more attainable. On any given day, I see it as a measure of being able to prioritize because let’s admit it, most of things we have in our life are all important to us. It’s just a question of what takes precedence on a given day.
Casting the concept of balance aside, I ask, “How would you integrate all the important things in your life in a sustainable fashion?” This looks different for each person. We then come up with a plan, create a picture of what that “looks” like, and work diligently towards that goal. The hope is that the pressure to focus just on the word balance is ameliorated. This plan helps create a more realistic goal of being able to include all the important things in a person’s life that are attainable, achieveable, and sustainable.
What is your plan to integrate all the things that are important in your life?
