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Lately I have been hearing about Stay at home parent burnout. My first reaction, as always, was to brush it off as another cooked up theory to put us mommies in a spot. Yeah? Nay!
Parenting is a tightrope walk. Every day we hear new theories which keep on cancelling/outdoing the previous ones and leaving us parents all baffled. One day a tiger mom sings her anthem, the next day we’ll hear good noise about free range parenting.
I was surprised when I took this quiz and guess what the result was, I am headed for a SAHM Burnout!
In today’s time, clinical depression is slowly losing its stigma and people. Even celebrities don’t shy away from coming out and talking about it openly. Embracing any form of depression is the need of the hour and hence, it’s high time we understand that terms like ‘’post-partum depression’’ or a ‘’ Burnout’’ are not just fancy schmancy terms, but real life medical conditions and need to be addressed before it’s too late.
What is SAHM Burnout?
Constant engagement and human interaction is what makes us thrive as humans. When I say interaction, I don’t mean nuggets of gibberish information passed by my kids, but meaningful and insightful discussions that leave room for further thinking and analysis. What can be the other reasons that cause SAHM burnout? Here are the stages a SAH parent goes through before final meltdown:
Being an enthusiastic cutlet stage
oh yeah!! I am the mom and I know best. The obsessive compulsive drive to do every small task of our baby ourselves is where the circle begins. Only I can give my baby the BEST bath possible, only I can feed her right – this obsession has to stop.
Driven by Mommy guilt stage
We mommies love to wallow in it. With no help, lack of sleep, zero ‘’me’’ time, we start faltering and end up doubting our abilities as a parent. Being judgmental about yourself or another mother can only cause mental trauma. Women, be it SAHM or working, face the equal amount of mommy guilt. Let go of it already!
Reality dawns and bites stage
What started out to be THE most idealistic parenting situation is now beginning to lose its sheen. You are tired, irritable, bored. Your health is on a downward spiral. You are always under slept and fatigued. Kids and husband get yelled at for taking you for granted.
The ‘’breaking away’’ stage
Human mind can take only so much of monotony and neglect. By now one may become least bothered and detached about the kids. Will always look out for ways to run away and hide from the chaos. And the relief can come in dangerous avatars like alcoholism or drug abuse.
The final meltdown stage
This is where complete disillusion and apathy sets in. In a complete case of burnout, a mom will not know the meaning and purposes of her life, why she chose to be a mother in the first place, what is her real identity and such. This can lead to a break down and/or suicidal tendencies.
Though these are the stages, a loving partner and family will always be able to notice when such stages start occurring. As a mom, keep your feelings under check and look out for these stages. If you notice going off track towards meltdown, try some of these pep mechanisms to set you on the right path.
Take out time for yourself
Yeah may sound cliché and impossible for a SAHM, but that is where the magic lies. Just pick your wallet, cell phone and head to a place that appeals to YOU as a person. It can be a spa, a hobby class, or a book store. Of course, this will require some amount of planning, but you will definitely come back all charged up and raring to go with your mommy duties.
Dress Sharp
You just cannot ignore this one. I have for months lazed around in my mucky pajamas. Why? Well who is gonna notice any way. This is where your thinking needs to change. YOU are going to notice. Break the mold. A fresh set of clothes, basic grooming and makeup can work wonders.
Delegate delegate
Women are creatures of habit. When a baby is born, we know through multiple mommy sessions and books that no one can care for the baby as well as us. No matter how true that is, there will always be close relatives and the father of course who can do just as much a good job. So, stop being miss do it all. Share your duties with family members or hire a help.
Take care of your health
we LOVE ignoring our health. Brush away the nausea or chronic tiredness. Stop doing that. Get a complete body check-up and see that all your health parameters are within range. This is important. You cannot be available for your loved ones unless you are fit yourself.
Stop Denying
The most important task is to take stock of how you feel at emotional and physical level. If you feel that you are losing your grip, go seek professional help. After all being a parent should be something that you cherish and not something you dread.
Though this article talks about SAH parent burnout, such symptoms on any mom or dad, be it SAH or working, should not be ignored. Have you ever faced with depression during your tenure as a mom? Share your views with us in the comments.
