Community Magazine

Speechless at the Retirement Home

By Friday23

This place is about one third men and two thirds women so men don’t often feature in day-to-day events. This morning was different. I had to go to the clinic for some health- related paperwork and when I walked in I found the waiting room full – of men. A most unusual sight. We all greeted each other heartily and inquired after the health of each other’s whisky supply. We arranged to meet later at Sid’s place – he has a half bottle of Black Label left over from some function.

Then one of the men announced, “I’m here to lodge a complaint with the nurse.”

“What’s wrong with you? I asked

“It’s not me; it’s my wife, Betty. She’s speaking in a low murmur.”

“That’s funny! Mine does that too,” mused Sam sitting opposite me.

“You guys are lucky,” said Bob. “I can hardly hear mine at all.”

“Me too,” said John. “My wife has gone completely silent.”

“Must be some kind of virus going around here,” said Phil, who used to be a pharmacist and knows all about these things. “In fact,” he continued, “I’ve never come across so many quiet-talking women before.”

“Yeah, I wish mine would speak up. I can’t hear a thing she says,” said Jimmy. We all looked at him with um…, pity. “She has to ask me 6 times what I would like for lunch. I remember when she could speak clearly. I could hear very word back then. Strange how the virus is only affecting the women. Guess viruses are scared of men.”

The nurse here at the clinic is in for a rough time. There are about 150 women in this place and none of them can speak clearly.


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