Today I am going to talk abut changing my perceptions of what productivity means to me. One thing I have learnt since becoming ill is that my notions around how I spend my time have changed dramatically. Prior to being as ill as I am now, I would always fill my days with activities, work and my evenings with socialising. I actually felt guilty if I didn't "live my life to the fullest" as I considered it to be. If I wasn't out watching bands or at the swimming pool, then I would be at home, working on my blogs or catching upi with friends. I simply did not enjoy doing nothing at all. I never stopped.
As someone who literally couldn't sit still, I really struggled when I had to. Mentally I found it really difficult to accept that doing nothing but resting is not a waste of time; to me it was a complete waste of my time and something I simply wasn't going to do. However, I soon learnt, the hard way, that sometimes resting is a far more productive use of my time than carrying on through. It also doesn't mean that you have too do nothing. So here are my tips for resting, overcoming the mental side of allowing yourself to rest and ways to use your rest for the good.
Never feel guilty for taking a day to rest.
One of my biggest issues with doing nothing but staying in bed all day was the guilt, actually this is still an issue to some extent. Guilt is the one emotion that appears to come with any chronic illness; guilt over cancelling plans, not being able to work, letting people down and so on. For me I actually feel guilty if I have to rest because I will feel like a burden to anyone looking after me, I will feel guilty for not being able to get up and carry on and most of all I will feel guilty because I will probably have to explain yet again that I can't do something because I am stuck in bed ... AGAIN.
I am the kind of person who is stubborn, I will push myself to the point where I have no choice but to rest and I do this because I truly believe it is ingrained within my personality to suck it up and carry on. This is how I have lived, until someone pointed out to me one simple lesson...if I spend a day resting today I will be able to do some of the things I love tomorrow....what could be a better use of my time? This combated at least part of the guilt, because I finally realised that by going to bed at 6pm because I am exhausted may well lead to a better day tomorrow.
I have a really issue with restless mind....much like restless leg syndrome...I cannot simply do nothing at all.
My problem is that I get extremely bored extremely quickly. Lying in bed all day with no mental stimulation and the curtains drawn will not happen for me. I will be up and out of that bed after an hour, which is counter productive. Now I know you will all be thinking, why doesn't she just watch a film or something? Quite frankly I will not be able to concentrate on a full film, I will get bored and give up. It is definitely a personality flaw and one that I am trying to combat using an online CBT course - which is very useful by the way.
When I know that I need to rest, but keep my mind active I have developed a routine to get the most out of my day.
- Surround myself with a variety of options for mental stimulation. This includes books, magazines, my computer so I can write to you guys, films and even knitting. As I can't concentrate for more than an hour due to brain fog, I will swap between these through out the day.
- Make sure that I have everything I need at arms length. This stops me using the excuse of " I just want to get up and make a cup of tea". now I keep a flask of it by my bed.
- Keep the curtains open. Unless I have a migraine, I will keep the curtains open so I can watch the birds from my window. This really relaxes me and makes me feel less isolated from the outside world.
- Keep in contact with friends and family. This is extremely important. Whether it's chatting on and on throughout the day or simply to check in and find out some gossip, it will help with the loneliness.
- Make lists throughout the day of the things I have accomplished from my bed. Reminding yourself what you have achieved is really useful to keep you mentally active.
As I said, I am a fidget and if I don't understand WHY I am resting I will push myself again. It is all too easy to take the painkillers, dull the pain and carry on that it is easy to forget that we all need to slow down. It is because of this that I keep three very specific photos on my phone and computer.
The first is a photo of both my legs during a full flare up. The rash, the swelling and the bruising is all prominent to see and it brings back the pain giving my brain the kick up the bottom it needs to lie back down.
The second photo is the final diagnosis letter that I received. It may sound strange but reading this letter changed my life so much, that every now and again I have to take myself back to that moment in order to carry on living. It reminds me to slow down and choose a slower pace of life.
The final letter is a picture of my face, swollen, red and crying. This was taken in 2012 during the worst flare up I have had. My entire face, neck and chest was covered in the most horrendous rash, I spent 6 weeks lying on the sofa, I experienced such swollen glands I couldn't lift my arms. It was horrendous, lonely and possibly the most scared I have ever been. The reason for the flare up was a weeks camping and walking. I pushed myself and I paid the price. A gentle reminder of this is all I need to never go back to that place if I can help it.
All in all, rest days are some of the most productive you will ever have. You are giving your body healing time, you will give yourself the opportunity to be active in the future and most of all, you can still accomplish so much from your bed!
