How you all feeling today? I'm having a day of reflection, something I have needed for some time by the looks of it! It has mainly come from the amount of questions I have been getting regarding how I carry on my life. That kind of question makes you stop dead in your tracks and find words that will even come close to explaining.
However I made a promise to myself that this blog would always be 100% honest, no skipping corners out of fear of judgement, so I have tried my best to answer the question! Here goes.......
Having a passion helps
I'm a passionate person; there are so many intricate details in the world that fascinate me. I studied fine art at university, later going on to work in galleries. The beauty in art is not how the art looks it's the journey the artist took to get there. So I felt that would be a great place to start my explanation.
My view of the world is what gets me up in the world. Having passions for art, music and the written word is what I have consumed myself within. This gives me a purpose for getting dressed, suffering the pain and pushing through. Without a purpose, passion or love then what is life?
There is a degree of burying my head in the sand.....
I will be the first to admit that I am stubborn, oh so damn stubborn! If I want to do something I will push myself to do it, even when the consequences are making myself ill. I have done the nights out till 4am, I have surfed when I felt like I had the flu and I have definitely been to the gym one to many times in a week just to prove I can do it.
Along with this there are many days that I wake up and ignore the pain, telling my body that it will work whether it wants to or not! Is this the best ploy? No it's not but it's what I do so that I can continue to live a fairly active life...although I have had to slow down.
I get angry.....A LOT
I know that this blog is meant to be positive and most of the time it is, but for once I am going to say that I am angry. However this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Anger raises the adrenaline and adrenaline gets me moving. Not necessarily the healthiest plan of attack but when it's needed it works.
Quite often this is how I get up and the weekends. When I work all week my energy levels have shattered by the weekend and that is the time I want to do my things. So I get angry at my stupid body and tell it off for ruining the weekend. Sometimes, more often than not this pushes me on to get up and out.
Finally I remember that I am only human!
There are thins I can't do because if the Lupus. Am I sad about them, hell yes I am! I want to be able to do whatever I put my mind too, but this isn't always possible. I am only one person and I can't change everything.
This does mean though, that I appreciate things in a far more literal way than some people. I appreciate getting up in the morning, I appreciate the helping hand with lifting things, I appreciate it when someone offers me the chance to be just who I am. That is what keeps me going.....
