The house is quiet.The bandage has been pulled.The waves of sorrow flow in as expected.She has moved out of our family homemost likely for the final time.
I have had this feeling of loss before with her.
Years ago for the first timedropping her off for kindergartenwas a precursor for the grief I felt at her college drop off.
Each time I know the crashing heart pain is cresting as I wait for the eventrealizing it is with true courage we love our children fiercely.
I will sit quietlyand remember when she was minefor a bitas a helpless infantbut all the timeI have been preparing her for this day too.
To set out in lifewith her one true loveto prepare to begin a life of their own.
The irony to truly love a child fiercelywith always their greatest good a prioritywe too prepare for the separationthat comes from healthy parenting.
This time I am better prepared for the voidI have learned well the last four years.
Learned to not only care for her needsbut mine as well.
Recognizing nowso many emotions swirling insideneed to be gracefully sorted through.
Realizing some of the pain is in the opening up of past latent sorrowsswirling around in a strange concoctionthat is a confusing blur of pain now and then.
I let the pain come inI acknowledge it's presenceas well as quietly recognizing the ghostly shadows of pain past.
I mark today in my heartas yet another of life's transitioning moments.
I put deep down into my heartthe beauty to be found in the bittersweet moments in life.I am happy how I handled the departure with courage and grace.
That I no longer mask my pain in anger towards others.But rather muster up all the love I have to give.
Happy that I take pause and acknowledgedsometimeseven great transitions come with pain and fear.
Acceptance of the heartachefear of the newletting go of the known.
By taking time to fully acknowledge the momentI can now move forward to
Glad.
Glad she and I made it through the summerin the best possible waysince neither of us chose to have her move backwe rather accepted the situation as necessary.
I can know that my sad will this time flow throughmaking way for glad.
Glad I knowI can show up all ineven knowing the pain to be.
For I have learned not only self care over the last four yearsI have learned my heart is mighty and strongit might crack now and againbut with each crackit heals even stronger and larger than before.
Ellis I send you off with so much loveaffectionand courage.
I will always love you to the moon and back!You will always be a part of me.
All the very, very best to you in your newest chapter.You and I have worked hard for this day.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy as you style your life
