The older I get, the more flexible my idea of reality becomes. I’m starting to notice things that may have been happening for decades, but the reflection of age throws into sharper focus. I’ve mentioned before that a good night’s sleep casts the day in a different light. Such nights are sometimes hard to come by and unrelenting capitalism doesn’t offer enough “sick days” to sit out the bad ones. But it’s not only that. I watch a lot of movies. Since I’ve been writing books on movies that only makes sense. Still, I’ve begun to notice how movies stay with you after the credits roll. Sometimes they remain the whole day until a night’s reboot comes. This can also happen with reading, but on a slower, and most likely more profound level.
In high school, reading existentialist plays (sometimes in German), I learned to remind myself that watching a play (or movie) is observing an illusion. Now I’m beginning to question whether that’s entirely true or not. What enters our minds becomes part of us. Think of the vast majority of human lives throughout history. People living out their lives by farming and/or hunting. Spending every day on the many tasks it takes to stay alive. No reading. No watching. Their daily lives constructed their reality. How many of us could grow our own food or build adequate shelter? And God help us if we need a doctor. Our lives require many other people to ensure we keep on going. Most of them people we don’t know. People whose realities are different than mine.
My career trajectory misfired fairly early on, and my reality has been years of trying to make sense of what happened. From the first days of hurt and confusion I began to cope by watching movies. For ninety minutes, at least, I escaped reality. Or did I? Was I enhancing reality? What of my existentialist outlook? Perhaps I was doing what existentialists do best—creating my own meaning. So if I get out of the wrong side of bed, and the day feels like it really isn’t welcoming me this time around, I await the reboot. Or when I have a few moments to sit down and watch a movie, I get up from my chair with an alternative reality surrounding me. Perhaps I have learned something by sleeping and watching. Maybe I have learned that reality is more flexible than I’ve been inclined to believe. Maybe somehow this all does make sense. Or not.
