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How old was your child when you became a single mum?
I was about 4 and a half months pregnant.
Did you ever imagine that you would become a single mum, what were your plans for your child?
Never in a million years thought that I would become a single mom. He promised me the world and as a naïve 16 year old I believed him. My plans for my child were for her to grow up as a family with a mom and dad and her half-brother.
Do you ever feel guilty that your child will not grow up with both parents?
Yes, all the time. Not only because I feel she is missing out on having a dad, she also has 4 half-brothers (1 older, 3 younger) that she is missing out on. I feel she missing out on that daddy daughter bond.
How did you become a single mum? Was it your choice?
It was my choice to walk away. All the relationship he had been violent and controlling but promised it would stop when found out I was pregnant. It did for a couple of weeks but then the threats and violence started again. I finally walked away after I found out he had been cheating on me. I confronted him about it and he attacked me (I was preg).
He strangled me. Slammed me into a TV. I fell to the floor. He kicked me, dragged me back to my feet with his hair and threw me through his bedroom door were I hit my stomach on the banister rail. He then had me by the neck hanging me over the banister rail ready to drop me backwards. All this whilst screaming that I was a dirty whore and deserved to be raped. (I was waiting to go to court after I was raped by an illegal immigrant a couple of months before meeting him). He said he never wanted me to have his baby and how if it looked like me he would disown the baby and deny it.
The next morning he apologised, crying his eyes out blaming the amount of beer he had drunk and drugs he had taken. After being checked over and going home and crying for hours after what he had done, seeing him there crying and snotting like a child made me realize what an ass he was. I laughed in his face. He told me to f*ck off. So I did. And I never looked back.
What is the best thing about being a single mum?
Getting my daughter to myself. Knowing that everything I do is for her. And that I am shaping her into being a fiery, independent young woman. Also seeing the first things first were brill. Her first step, first word and that. Knowing that I, on my own, had helped her to achieve this.
What is the worst thing about being a single mum?
The sleepless nights and having no one to share the hard times with. Having no one to share the joys of my daughter with.
How do you think single mums are stereotyped?
I think single mums are stereotyped a lot. Such as oh they are a single mom. Prob have done it for the benefits. Or o they a single mum, prob don’t know who the babies dad is.
Does your child’s father still have an input in your child’s life?
No, he doesn’t try to either unless he hears I have money!!
Do you think there is enough support for single mums?
No. I have been lucky to be pointed in the direction of Emma’s group, but before that no support.
Will you ever trust enough to allow a new person into your child’s life?
I hope that one day I will.
If you could go back in time what would you change about the relationship with your child’s father?
The only thing I would change would be to walk away sooner than I did.
What will you tell your child happened when the time comes that they ask why you and their father are not together?
My child has already asked why she doesn’t have a mommy and daddy. That was hard. She hasn’t asked why we are not together though. (Yet). I will never tell her the whole truth to protect her but I will tell her half the truth and tell her we are not together because we don’t like each other.
