Anyone who’s squawked “are you still there?” more than once in the same mobile phone conversation may very well have a hate/hate relationship with their closest digital confidant – their mobile device. We all know it doesn’t stop there. Frozen touch screens, inaccessible voicemails, dropped calls, patchy conversations – our only solace is the freedom that we’ll enjoy at the end of our contract. In the meantime, every failed text message spins us into a world of dark thoughts, one that evolves into happy fantasies to soothe our battered souls. When the contract is eligible for renewal, the old glitchy device will be replaced with a slick young “thang.” And the old phone? It’s going out in a blaze of glory.
Of course, the fun-buster in you realizes that mobile devices must be disposed of properly. Your fantasies may be temporarily halted by the marketing success of groups like the Basel Action Network, which lectures about the toxicity of mobile device components. But that doesn’t mean you can’t fanaticise a little. Allow yourself a moment to picture the demise of your mobile device. Perhaps a cautious destruction of your phone would be most rewarding.
Standard Options
Drilling a hole directly in the center of the phone’s touch screen that constantly froze might be a therapeutic option.
Unsatisfied with such a surgical assault? If you’re feeling a little more agitation towards your device, a sledgehammer may help release months of anger and frustration. Perhaps you’d experience greater relief just flinging your phone out of your car window. Consider running it over and leave that window down so you can hear that delightful crunch.
Or, turn your tablet into old fashioned entertainment by skateboarding on it. Imagine the exhilaration of speed and angled tilts – all knowing that your feet are placed squarely on that touch screen that seemed engineered to freeze at the most inopportune moments.
Get a Bit More Extreme
Want an excuse to meet someone? Make your phone (finally) work for you. Put the thing close to your ear, as if you were talking and allow someone, who you’ve been working up the nerve to approach, to lightly bump into you. Allow the accidental bump to fling the phone from your hands and watch the thing clatter to the floor in horror. Your phone is done and you’ll have an excellent conversation starter with someone who wants to make amends.
With all that said, when you’re finally eligible for an upgrade, maybe you’ll be ready to make peace. Look into ways of protecting your identity (research Lifelock reviews for example), clear your mobile device contents before you take any other action. Then, donate your phone to Cellular Recycler, a nonprofit that partners with various groups and shelters. Maybe, just maybe, once you have your new device in hand, you’ll be willing to let that hunk of junk have a second life helping someone else. Or you could just wait for Independence Day and attach it to a firework. It’s your call.
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Ben Greenwood
Ben is the founder and editor of TechDrink. A huge fan of technology and social media, he has been blogging on those and many other subjects for well over five years. You can follow him in many places, including Twitter, Facebook and Google+.
Latest posts by Ben Greenwood (see all)
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