One of the most common things that many people do after a break up, is to let their ex know or feel that they still want them back.
This can be telling your ex any of the following:
1) That you still want your ex back
2) Insinuating to your ex that you still want your ex back by saying that you are still thinking of your ex
3) Telling your ex you miss them
4) Telling your ex you still have feelings for them
5) Telling your ex you still love them
So should you actually let your ex know that you still want them back, and will doing so actually increase your chances of getting your ex back?
And will it actually make your ex want you back again?
Well, the answer is yes and no.
When Your Ex Will Most Likely Say Yes To Getting Back With You
It's very important to understand the context of when this will actually work. Most of the time, it usually won't. But there are certainly times when it will and we want to analyse your situation first before deciding when to use this tactic of constantly asking your ex back.
So the most likely time your ex will say yes to getting back with you is only if this is the very first break up you had with your ex. And also, if this is the very first time you are asking your ex to get back with you again.
Therefore if this is the very first time you both had broken up, then asking your ex back, or telling your ex that you still love him / her, or telling your ex you will change and ask for a second chance, will have a chance of working.
When Your Ex Will Most Likely Say No To Getting Back With You
While it would be great that your ex will agree to get back with you as long as you just ask, unfortunately that doesn't happen most of the time.
Chances are that most of you reading this have probably already tried but it didn't work, and therefore you are reading this article right now.
Now, there are many reasons why it didn't work, but for the most part it's either:
A) This is not the first time that you had broken up with your ex and asked your ex to get back with you
B) You have built up too much negative feelings in your ex towards you that your ex just doesn't trust or believe you anymore
So in this case, then asking your ex to give you another chance and get back with you again will most likely not work.
In fact, continuing to do this can push your ex even further away from you. So in this situation and circumstances, it is actually harming your chances rather than helping you actually get your ex back.
Why Constantly Talking About The Relationship With Your Ex Will Push Your Ex Away
One thing you need to understand is that your ex probably already knows that you still want him / her back.
You have probably said or done something to express to them that you still want to be with your ex, but that did not work.
So continuing to do the same thing over and over again will most likely not work.
Albert Einstein once said that "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome".
So constantly wanting to talk to your ex about the relationship over and over again hoping your ex will change his / her mind about wanting you back would be futile.
The reason is because your ex's negative feelings towards you is still there. Your ex's perception of you is still negative. And as long as your ex still feels this way about you, no amount of asking your ex back or telling your ex that you are thinking of them will help you get your ex back.
Understanding Your Ex's Current Perception Of You
In order to get your ex back, you need to understand the current negative perception that your ex has of you.
For example, I have a client whose ex broke up with her because she became too controlling in the relationship with her ex. She also always started fights and arguments with her ex until her ex could no longer take it and broke up with her.
After the break up, she constantly begged and asked her ex to give her a second chance but her ex refused and told her it was over.
Despite this, she kept messaging her ex over and over again telling her ex that she still missed him and still was thinking of him.
She also tried to constantly remind her ex of the past good memories that they shared. But her ex wasn't responsive. In fact, her ex told her to stop messaging her.
So why is it that her ex will not give her another chance?
The answer is because her ex had experienced too much pain in the relationship with her. Her ex just don't ever see how she can change. Especially with the way she is reacting now towards him.
She is still needy and desperate towards her ex and this made his ex unable to see this change in her.
So this is where she came to me and became my client.
After understanding her situation, I told her that right now, as long as she constantly talks about the relationship with her ex, it will never get her ex to want her back.
Instead, she needs to first let her ex experience a change in her, then her ex will consider getting back with her again.
With that, I gave her a strategy to get her to first establish good communication with her ex. And with good communication, let her ex build up good feelings in her gradually over time.
Long story short, her ex started to feel a difference in her, and that eventually let to them rekindling their relationship again.
The Way To Get Your Ex To Link Pleasure Towards You
Many people get this the wrong way when wanting their ex back. They believe that they can get their ex back by first using words, and then follow up using actions.
And by this I mean that most people will tell their ex that if their ex were to get back with them again, that they would change.
But it doesn't work this way. The reverse is actually what needs to happen to have a better chance to get an ex back.
So that means that you have to first let your ex experience a change in you that is contrasted from before. Then only with that, in time can you pursue a relationship with your ex again.
Therefore the real way to get your ex is to first get your ex to link pleasure towards you.
Depending on your situation, there is a specific way to get your ex to link pleasure towards you. However the principle is universal - you need to let your ex feel that you are thinking for them.
If you were to really examine the cause of the break down in your relationship, it always leads to you being more concerned about your own feelings than your ex's feelings when you were with them.
Think about it - when you were with your ex, were you more concerned about how your ex was feeling, and trying to really understand your ex? Or were you more concerned about how you were feeling, and trying to get your ex to understand you?
In almost all of my cases that I've helped my clients with, it's always the case that you were probably more concerned about how you were feeling and tried to get your ex to understand you.
So in my client's case as I've mentioned above, the reason she was controlling was because she was afraid that her ex will leave her. With that, she thought that by controlling her ex, she would be able to make him stay. However, this only made her ex feel suffocated and feel that she doesn't trust him.
And the reason she always start fights is because things aren't happening the way she wants it to be, and therefore wants her ex to understand how she feels and do things to please her.
So it's always about her.
With this realisation, she started to reach out to her ex to let her ex feel validated and feel that she really listens to him.
That is the most important thing to start off with - good communication.
With good communication, then there can be positive feelings felt.
With positive feelings, then it can encourage attraction again.
And with attraction, then there can be the change to get back again.
So whatever situation you are in now, the first thing you need to try and establish is good communication.
If you are blocked / ignored by your ex, or you are not in contact with your ex for whatever reason (i.e. your ex is with someone new, lost contact over time, etc.), then the first step would be to re-establish communication.
Over the years I have helped hundreds of couples salvage their relationship. And the common thing I see is to really understand the real path to reconnect with their ex again so their ex will want them back. So if you are feel helpless and lost right now, I suggest that you take this 2- minute quiz below so I can help you get one step closer to salvaging your relationship again:
