No one enters into a marriage preparing for a divorce. But sometimes the worst does happen, and you and your spouse may decide to part ways and end the relationship. Before you do, it’s important to think about things as seriously as you did before getting married. Here are seven questions you must ask yourself before you got through with a divorce.
Have I done everything I can to save the marriage?
At the time you said your vows you meant them. You once wanted to spend the rest of your life with your spouse. Before you end things, you want to at least make sure you did everything possible. You don’t want to look back later and wonder if there was more you could have done.
Is there anything that would change my mind?
Consider if there’s anything that would change your mind. If there is, have you really discussed it with your spouse to determine if it’d be possible? If you want a change that will never happen, divorce might really be the only option.
Is this the decision that will make me the happiest?
If you’re going to be even more miserable apart from your spouse than you are now, why even bother going through a divorce? You have to look out for yourself and your own happiness. If you’ll be happier if you’re divorced, there isn’t much else that should matter.
How do I picture our relationship in the future?
Take a minute to consider the future a year from now, five years from now, and twenty years from now. What do you think things will be like between you and your spouse? Think about things from both perspectives: still married and divorced. Which scenarios do you think are most likely to happen? How might you feel then? Your divorce will probably be a lifelong decision, so think about it as one.
How will the divorce work logistically?
There’s much more that goes into getting divorced than just filing some paperwork and moving out. There are lots of things to consider, like how you’ll divide your property and assets, how you’ll arrange custody, and how you’ll pay for everything like lawyer fees and a new place to live. You have to think about the practical side of things, too, and not just the emotional.
How will I help my kids cope with this decision?
If you have children, your divorce will be particularly difficult for them. You should come up with a plan to help them through it, and you should discuss this with your spouse. You might want to arrange for counseling, for example, or think ahead about how you’ll answer their questions.
How will I handle the stress?
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events that anyone can go through. While you might be making a decision that will ultimately make you happier, you’ll still experience many different feelings. Make sure you can take care of yourself and find ways to cope with the stress.
Alexandra Kelly is a school teacher and full time mother living in the Seattle area. To ensure all her writings meet a high grammatical standard and are of a high quality she uses a grammar checker. She cannot wait to finally go to the Bahamas with her family.
