Since the airing of yesterday’s new promo I have been absolutely inundated with requests (ok I’ve been asked by my best friend and her dog) to provide an analysis of everything that was going down in Bon Temps. This is a tough one, with more madness in there than at a 3 year old’s birthday party. But before we get started, take a moment to reflect upon this world renown quotation:
“When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be happening on True Blood.” Sherlock Holmes
So after the meticulous study of over 100 screen caps, here’s what I’ve got from “No one lives forever”, also known as “The Mystery of Eric’s missing shirt”. If you’re feeling musical, and wish to sing it rather than read it, I highly recommend you do it to the tune of “It’s the end of the world as we know it” by REM.
Ok, deep breath, and here we go………………………..
Having just escaped the clutches of Bilith, Sookie and Jess are on the beach feeling blue, Eric is pissed and throwing a bottle on his return to Fangtasia, Sookie tells Macklyn (Niall) that she can barely remember the last time she wasn’t in danger, Sookie wants her life back, Eric tells Pam that Bill could be coming for them and the State of Louisiana has declared war on them (and it looks like the state troopers have at least temporarily got him and granddaughter Tara) (and someone’s got his shirt),
the governor tells Eric that it’s time for humans to bite back, an unknown vampire is dragged along behind a truck (no one I recognize from the screen caps), it’s “go time” for Jason, State troopers are round at Bill’s house, Nora tells Eric they did this, they turned the world against them, Lilith has got dressed and gives a little “events have been set in motion” speech, whilst Warlow is arriving on the bridge from another dimension,
Nora gets shot, and then its back to the authority escape and Jason, rather inappropriately in a vehicle full of vampires, thinks it’s about damned time somebody did something “about y’ all”, Sookie and Tara tell him to shut up,
Bellefleurs, were-wolves, Eric being guided down under, probably into the governor’s secret vampire facility (he obviously had to remove his shirt to get in), Willa seems to be there in her night gown,
Bill embraces the dawn, Sarah Newlin voice-over about God saving the human race by eradicating the world of vampires, her ex, Steve has been captured and it doesn’t look good,
back in the vampire facility Eric has at least found a jacket (and a big gun),
Holly has a gun, Pam thinks that maybe the vampires should be scared as there is a lot more humans out there, back to the start and Pam and Tara have a moment on the beach,
were-wolves are panicking that humans are going to do to them what they do to the vampires, Lafayette gets punched, Macklyn (Niall) shows Sookie how to use her light,
Jess does the sexy college girl look, Eric appears at Willa’s bedroom window (pause to take a sip of water and fondly remember a very similar dream you had just last night)
Sookie and Ben are making out,
Pam thinks something else completely is “sweet”, Bill appears to be back in Jess’s good books, a bit of Sam, Andy has a gun, Jason is thrown against the wall in Sookie’s house, some other mayhem I can’t make out, Bill forces his way into Sookie’s house and she declares “you really believe you’re god”,
Eric and Bill wrestle with a stake (it’s a different scene to the Sookie one as Bill has a different outfit on), Jess is getting pushed into the sun (presumably with invitation rescinded) , Lafayette is attempting to drown Sookie, or rid her of evil spirits, or something else that requires holding her head under water.
The End.
(If you are partial to the accompanying tune, it’s “Bottom of the River” by Delta Rae)
So is it a totally, fangtasically, fun promo to wet our appetites for Season 6? Hell yeah I think so. Did I get something completely wrong or miss an important detail? More than probably!
Let me know if you have any other promo ideas below.
(Screen caps by Barbara at skarsgardfans)
