Music has charms to soothe a savage breast. - William Congreve, The Mourning Bride (I,i)
A month ago I published a list of all the questions I’ve previously answered, and this month I’m doing something similar again with music. Every time I publish one of my “hooker songs” columns, readers make suggestions for the next one; that’s great, and I’ve used many of those suggestions in later columns. But as in the case of the questions, I’ve been doing it for so long now that newer readers are starting to suggest ones I’ve already done. So today, I present a hyperlinked catalog of all the songs I’ve presented so far; I’ll duplicate it later on a static page, and then every time I do a new song column I can link it for the benefit of those who are just coming in. I’m not sure how many more of them I’ll be able to do, but I suspect it will be at least a few. Just for the sake of completeness, I’ve included a second section with all the songs for which I’ve featured videos, even if they aren’t whore-related; and to make it more visually appealing, I’ve also embedded a few videos of songs that I featured before I started embedding videos.
Call Me (Blondie)
Candy’s Room (Bruce Springsteen)
Cross-Eyed Mary (Jethro Tull)
Down the Road Tonight (Bruce Hornsby and the Range)
Dulcinea (Leigh/Darion; sung by Simon Gilbert dubbing Peter O’Toole)
867-5309 (Tommy Tutone)
Everything’s Alright (Webber/Rice; performed by Yvonne Elliman, Ted Neeley and Carl Anderson)
Family Man (Oldfield/Cross; performed by Hall and Oates)
Fancy (Bobbie Gentry)
Farewell To Storyville (Clarence Williams; performed by Billie Holiday and Louis Armstrong)
Fire Down Below (Bob Seger)
Hey, Big Spender (Dorothy Fields; performed by Sweet Charity cast)
Hot Child in the City (Nick Gilder)
The House of the Rising Sun (Traditional; performed by Dolly Parton)
I’m Tired (Mel Brooks; performed by Madeline Kahn)
It’s All the Same (Leigh/Darion; performed by Sophia Loren)
Jacky (Jacques Brel; translated and performed by Mort Shuman)
Killer Queen (Queen)
La Grange (ZZ Top)
Lady Marmalade (Crewe/Nolan; performed by LaBelle)
Love for Sale (Cole Porter; performed by Ella Fitzgerald)
The Magdalene Laundries (Joni Mitchell)
Maggie May (Traditional; performed by The Beatles)
Mexican Blackbird (ZZ Top)
Midtown Asian Sex Spa (B.B. Wye)
Minnie the Moocher (Cab Calloway)
New Orleans Ladies (LeRoux)
Next (Jacques Brel; translated by Blau/Shuman; performed by Walter Willison)
Private Dancer (Mark Knopfler; performed by Tina Turner)
Raised on Robbery (Joni Mitchell)
Roxanne (The Police)
Santa Baby (Javits/Springer; performed by Eartha Kitt)
The Son of Hickory Holler’s Tramp (Dallas Frazier; performed by O.C. Smith)
Strange Thing Mystifying (Webber/Rice; performed by Ted Neeley and Carl Anderson)
Sweet Cream Ladies (The Box Tops)
Sweet Georgia Brown (Bernie/Pinkard/Casey; performed by Ella Fitzgerald)
The Taxicab (Jacques Brel; translated and performed by Mort Shuman)
Texas Has a Whorehouse in It (Carol Hall; performed by Dom Deluise)
Trick of the Light (The Who)
A Woman’s Story (Tempo/Stevens/Spector; performed by Cher)
X Offender (Blondie)
Other Songs
All For the Best (Stephen Schwartz; performed by Victor Garber/David Haskell)
Cult of Personality (Living Color)
Disney Princess Leia
Dumb Ways to Die
Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury (Rachel Bloom)
The Grinch Song (Hague/Geisel; sung by Thurl Ravenscroft)
Holly Jolly Christmas (Johnny Marks; sung by Burl Ives)
The Lees of Old Virginia (Sherman Edwards; performed by Ronald Holgate)
Me Ole Bamboo (Sherman/Sherman; performed by Dick Van Dyke)
Munchkinland (Arlen/Yarburg; performed by Judy Garland and cast)
Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom (Parry Grip)
Prince Ali (Menken/Ashman; sung by Robin Williams)
Pure Imagination (Bricusse/Newley; performed by Gene Wilder)
Put One Foot in Front of the Other (Laws/Bass; sung by Mickey Rooney)
Take Off With Us (Lebowsky/Tobias; performed by All That Jazz cast)
This is Halloween (Danny Elfman; sung by Nightmare Before Christmas cast)
We Don’t Need a Man (Rachel Bloom)
What a Wonderful World (Thiele/Weiss; performed by CDZA)
The Yellow Rose of Texas (Traditional; performed by Mitch Miller)
