For our Jewish friends of FOTM I bring you some Rabbi humor.
Rockin Rabbi.
A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is
happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi
asked, “What’s wrong?”
The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very
surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s
poisoning me, what should I do?” The Rabbi then offers,
“Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can
find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I
spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three
hours. You want my advice?” The man said yes and the Rabbi
replied, “Take the poison.”
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A Priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as
chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University
in Marquette. They would get together two or three times
a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people
isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to
preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided
to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods,
find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss the
experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches,
and has various bandages, goes first. “Well,” he says, “I
went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him
I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear
wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around, so
I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy
Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb! The bishop
is coming out next week to give him first communion and
confirmation.”
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with
an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best
fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “WELL brothers, you
KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a
bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY
WORD!
But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD
of him and we began to wrestle. We wre stled down one hill,
UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I
quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.
And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We
spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV’s
and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, “Looking back on it, circumcision
may not have been the best way to start.”
~Steve~
