Credit
This is about a baby that didn’t seem wanted by anyone but me and a medical mess up.
When I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon and terrified at the same time. It was 6 years after I had had an abortion at age 16.
This baby was great news for me as we weren’t sure whether we could conceive due to problems with my other halves parts when he was younger. However when I told my partner his response wasn’t what I had hoped for. The first words out of his mouth were, “you should consider an abortion. It’s probably best”. Devastated I told him that if that was how he felt then he could walk because I was going to keep this baby. Abortion wasn’t an option for me after I had already given up one baby.
After a few days though he warmed to the idea, and I went to the doctors to get a confirmation. I even took that morning’s urine sample along with me for the GP to use. When I got there I sat in the chair and had questions fired at me. “Have you done a test?”, ‘Yes’. “Well then you are!” ‘Yes I suppose, but I want it confirmed by you.’ “Ok, I’ll test the sample.”
All was going well until he asked how my partner felt about it. I said he wasn’t sure to start with but he’s coming round to the idea. To my horror he handed me 3-4 leaflets on abortion. “Maybe if your partner isn’t sure you should consider abortion as an option?” It’s not an option I am open too I said and got up and left. I was disgusted with the way the GP had handled it.
One week after finding out I was pregnant, my partner and I got a bit frisky. We were mid-session when he realised I was bleeding heavily. I ran to the bath room and sat on the toilet. All of a sudden there was a splash and I knew my baby had gone. I felt numb. Was this my punishment for keeping a baby no-one else had wanted me to have?
We went to accident and emergency and sat for 2 hours before anyone had seen me. I was taken to a room, explained what happened, and given a pot to give a urine sample to confirm I had been pregnant and a blood test to find out how far I had been. It came back positive with my hormone levels at that of a 6-7 week baby. I was then taken to a room for the gynaecologist to check everything had come away.
I had to go back a week later to have another blood test to make sure my hormone levels were going down. Otherwise I may have still been pregnant. I phoned a week later and was told that my hormones had gone up from the last test so I may still be pregnant. At least that’s what they told me. When I went back two days later for a consultation and internal scan there was nothing there. The scanner said to me, “well it seems your blood tests were right. There is no baby, I’m really sorry”.
I was confused. The person on the phone told me my levels had gone up and I was still pregnant. I told the sonographer this and she took me round to a consultant. He confirmed there was no baby and said the person on the phone must have got the results round the wrong way. It was like losing the baby all over again.
Then they had the nerve to come over 5 minutes later and tell me that I was in trouble as I had left before the gynaecologist had seen me the first night! I don’t think so. I remembered that night vividly. So not only had they messed up once, they had done it twice.
I was devastated at being treated so badly. And I didn’t even get an apology.
Thankfully nearly a full year later I fell again with my gorgeous daughter Rhiannon, and 17 months later her baby brother Charlie was born. I’ll never forget that night though.
