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Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10

By Dianelaneyfitzpatrick

Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10

When I got engaged, my engagement photos weren’t even on my Freak Out Wedding Plan radar screen. Granted, I was engaged in simpler, more primitive times, the ‘80s. But still, engagement pictures were the least of my worries: Fitting into the limo with big hair and wet nails was a much bigger concern. I called up a friend of mine who had a camera, threw on a white lacy blouse, put on some lipstick and blush, and sat on a rock near some trees while he took eight or nine shots of me. I picked the one that made me look skinny and pretty and submitted it to the local newspaper. Done. Check. On to picking out a veil. There are some fantastic engagement photo shoots going on right now. Don’t get me wrong: I love what people are doing with engagements and weddings now. I’m all for creative engagement photos. What I don’t understand is how a professional photographer feels obligated to keep every single shot they take. Some are blurry. Some are not very flattering to the bride- and groom-to-be. Some have eyes closed.

And some are these.

You’re Too Sexy for Your Engagement Pictures Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 OK, we get it, you’re into each other. Kinda figured that, since you’re engaged and all. I’m sure the sex will be amazing. Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 Thanks for sharing your re-creation of the sex-on-the-beach scene from From Here to Eternity. We’ll call you. Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 Who has a rape fantasy? Not me. What?  You’re Trying Too Hard to Pick a Unique Setting There may be a good reason no one has ever had their engagement pictures taken there Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 Look! On the horizon! It’s our mortification over our engagement photos 25 years in the future. Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 Choose your setting carefully. More carefully than that . . . even more . . . more than that . . . Keep going . . . Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 And the St. Joseph statue tried to facepalm but, well, he’s made out of cement. You’re Aware Other People Will See These, Right? Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 Hold my jacket. What are you thinking? Let me use you as a pillow. Carry my stuff. Have my babies. Isn’t it a pretty day? Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 Let’s hope she’s a laugher. ‘Cause if she’s screaming or crying, this guy’s in for it. Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 Do these two even like each other? 
Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10

. . . Otherwise we’d just see her back.
Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10
You can’t escape by crawling up that wall. Silly.
Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10
“Ha ha ha! Yeah, that’s gotta go.”
In This Age of Digital Photography, You Are Aware That You Get Do-Overs, Right? Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 No words.
Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10 OK, so you’re love is dead. I see no reason to celebrate that with a photo shoot.
Rules of Engagement: Think Before You Order the 8-by-10
One more shot and then you can go pee.



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