Humor Magazine

Rule #24 – Print to Your Heart’s Content

By Don Mega

Rule #24 – Print to Your Heart’s Content

You ever get these random e-mails from your business contacts that come with some tree-huggin’ slogan slapped on the end of the signature line? Thank you for considering the environmental impact of printing emails. Whenever I see this tagline, I instantly hit Ctrl-P, Number of Copies = 20, and throw the first 19 directly into the garbage can. Who are you to be assigning me tasks anyway? Your job title says Part-Time Package Handler, so I hardly think you’re in a position to be giving me orders. By the way, you might think about asking for a new job title. That one might give folks the wrong impression.

No one asked you to send me this email anyway. You could’ve picked up the phone and told me the same meaningless drivel in less than 30 seconds without the worry of being made an accomplice in the murder of another Maple. It just seems a tad bit rude to go around giving people things and then telling them what exactly they’re allowed to do with it. I picked up this t-shirt for you on vacation, but I forbid you to wear it on Tuesdays. And why do you assume that your email is even worthy of printing in the first place? All you ever send me are chain letters and fart jokes. It’s not exactly bulletin board material.

I can’t imagine the printing of a few emails ever making a significant impact on the environment anyway. Shouldn’t you be more concerned with offshore drilling or vehicle emissions? These Printer Nazis are probably the same guys running me off the road in their Chevy Suburbans. Now, if I ever encountered a guy wearing a t-shirt that said, “Thank you for considering the environmental impact of driving your SUV,” I’d understand it.

I’d still punch the guy in the face, but I’d understand it.

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