Humor Magazine

Rule #22 – Conquer Your Lotion Addiction

By Don Mega
Rule #22 – Conquer Your Lotion Addiction

It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

I think we need to do something about this budding addiction that women seem to have with hand lotion…Lotion Devotion, if you will. Ha! See what I did there? Okay, sorry, that was pretty awful. Anyway, this lotion dependence seems to be getting out of control. I’m thinking the Surgeon General should probably clear a little space on his calendar to take a look into the side effects of secondhand lotion inhalation, because I’ve definitely been getting more than my fair share. Get a whiff of the various fragrances that I’ve been subjected to in recent months:

Cucumber Melon, Pearberry (Is that even a thing?), Sweet Pea, Fresh Ocean Breeze, Crab Apple (Really? Of all the apples, you go with Crab?), Very Vanilla (Because regular Vanilla is just too…vanilla), Country Strawberry (As opposed to Urban Strawberries?), Roasted Hazelnut, Almond, White Diamonds (Diamonds are rocks, right? What does a rock smell like?)

I guess when I’m diagnosed with Pearberry Cancer, I can say I told you so.

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