Three years ago, when I was about to launch my first book tour, I wrote:
In days of yore, artists tried to attract patrons; that is, noblemen or other wealthy individuals who would give them money to live on. The artist was expected to produce poems or paintings or concerti or whatever for the patron, and the rest of the time (barring the occasional cathedral ceiling or requiem mass) was left to putter on his own to produce Great Things; the best patrons required little in return for their generosity, while others were more demanding. Modern governments and corporations still give out grants, but since these are determined by bureaucratic politics or commercial considerations it isn’t really the same; these entities tend to expect certain results, and on a timetable at that, so there’s little room for the recipient to follow his own path while somebody else pays the bills…
Since then, my husband and I have parted ways, and I’ve returned to work full-time. And while I’m taking steps to reduce my expenses, it’s still very nice to see my whoring income supplemented in other ways. Of course y’all know about how to subscribe to my blog, and how to send me gifts; my new book will be coming out soon, and I’ve discussed the range of appointments and engagements available even to those who live far away from me. Lately, Lorelei Rivers & I have even discovered that many people seem to enjoy contributing to our Sunday night Doctor Who dates by buying us dinner and other gifts (those who do receive a special extra-nudie cheesecake pic taken on the night we enjoy your gift). But now I’d like to make it easier to make merchandise (such as books, T-shirts and whatnot) and donations available; I’m therefore considering a commercial website on which to sell my stuff. I already own a number of domains with similar names, but I’m hopeless when it comes to actually creating websites; I’m therefore looking for some generous reader with the necessary skills to build me a small e-commerce site on which I can list the merchandise I currently have available, and add other things as I think of them (such as signed nude photos, posters of Chester Brown’s awesome art for my book covers, and anything else my whorish brain can think of). If you know how to do this and would like to volunteer your time, please contact me; I’m looking for someone who’s willing to take on the whole project, so please don’t just email me and say “Oh, bizdalek.com is a really easy solution to exterminating your e-commerce woes,” because if you do I shall surely put a curse on you with my Evil Eye. I am an idiot when it comes to building sites, which is why it took me literally years to try out WordPress for this blog (and if anything I find the prospect more daunting now than I did in my early forties). No, what I’m looking for is someone willing to make a gift of his time and expertise to help me out, and be thereby forever inscribed on the rolls of top patrons of my work. If that’s you, please e-mail me!
