Ho-ly shit. I wasn't paying much attention to Google Glass until recently and now that I've had a good look at it and what it does I have to say it looks like the creepiest, most disturbing piece of pointless, shitty, just plain HORRIBLE, tech EVER.
So Mike, why do you hate Google Glass so much? I mean have you even USED it?
Well no, I have not. And I don't intend to. Ever. Except maybe if I'm offered a free pair by Google for being such an awesome blogger (*cough*bullshit alert*cough*). However that's unlikely to happen.
There are many things about Glass I think are awful, however just looking at them is enough to put any normal, sane, human being off of ever wearing them. EV-ER.
I mean look at them. LOOK AT THEM.
No dude of course you look good. Although I'd just like to point out you have a MASSIVE FUCKING CAMERA ATTACHED TO YOUR FACE.
Fuck me. C'mon. Who in fucks name is going to walk around wearing those? I wear glasses and I get enough (or I used to) "Alright Harry Potter" comments, but what the fuck are people gonna think if you walk around wearing THOSE? I MEAN LOOK. AT. THEM. What the fuck is that? What the actual fuck is that Google?Guy: "Hey baby, how you doing?
Girl: "I'm doing fine, Ken."
Guy: "I've, ah, got a new pair of Google Glasses babe."
Girl: "Really, I, uh, didn't notice..."
Guy: "Really, well, they're pretty discreet huh?"
Girl: "Yeah, I'm leaving now you deluded freak."
And that's how FOREVER-A-FUCKING-ALONE happens people.
I haven't exactly pointed out exactly what makes them so horrible to look at but I think it is pretty obvious, that is unless you actually think they look good (do you? Leave a comment with what you think on their design!).
For starters the camera is the most hideous thing I've ever seen on a pair of glasses before.
"Hey everybody, no need to panic, I've entered the room with my GIANT FUCKING GOOGLE GLASSES CAMERA. LET ME JUST COME OVER HERE AND SHOVE IT IN YOUR FACE WHILE I TAKE A PICTURE WITH IT."
This will probably be peoples reaction to Google Glass in 50 years.
Of course, that camera alone isn't going to draw a shit ton of attention to your face, is it Google? No of course not. Of COURSE not. And I don't mean the type of attention that revolves around you being attractive or having nice eyes, I mean the type of attention that is often followed by gawping, looks of awkwardness and maybe sniggering too.Also, what's with the lenses? I know they're glasses and I know you NEED the lenses to see the images projected by the camera, however what are Google trying to do? Make every human being on the planet earth wear glasses? People who don't even need glasses will be walking around in glasses. Mind fuck right there.
And what's more, imagine if Google got their way and every human really DID wear Google Glass in the future. No one would be able to tell who actually needed prescription glasses or not.
Also it would never work because glasses themselves just don't work. I wear them and I know the cons of having to wear them every day. These include things like having to be wary of big crowds in fear of getting them knocked off and not being able to play certain sports. If Google got their way then there would be new laws stating that people can't group together anymore in case they lose their Google Glasses or something and sportsman, where would all the sportsman go? It just wouldn't work.
Now going back to the fashion side of things, I know what you are thinking:
But Mike, didn't you write that article A Question Of Fashion wear you clearly said people should wear what they want and generally DO what they want too? So aren't you contradicting yourself by saying Google Glasses suck because they look stupid?
You know what, you're right! But I guess the reason I think Glass is so horrible to look at and to be avoided at all costs is also due to what it does in terms of functions and features.
Glass is supposed to make our lives easier and the superficial things we do more convienent. So you know that incredibly difficult task of taking out your camera or phone and manually taking a photo? You know how long that took? You know how much your poor arms hurt afterwards? Well that's gone with Glass! Just say "Glass take a picture" and that giant fucking growth on the side of the glasses does exactly what you just said!
You can record video in the same way too. In fact, you know all the things you can already do on your phone and/or tablet, like check the time, your calendar, search Google Maps for nearby places of interest, have video chats and thing like that? Well Glass does all that, except handsfree.
Actually it does less than your phone or tablet does. Yes, less, not more. It doesn't play games like Angry Birds or Pinball. It does convenient things, but no proper recreational things.
It might seem, after what I just said, that Glass isn't so bad. That it just tries to help you out. But are we REALLY that lazy? Are we really going to walk around looking like part-human part-robot things? And the fact Glass is controlled via voice commands makes it even weirder. Goons wearing these creepy-ass glasses will be wandering around talking to themselves, seeing things through the lenses that no one else can see. Why don't we just load everyone up on LSD? No seriously, why don't we? That's basically what Glass is: A recreation of LSD.
I don't have a problem with phones or whatever. I love them. But the moment technology crosses over into affecting our appearance and the way we work in our DAILY lives, then it is crossing the line.
We were not built as humanoids with cameras on the side of our fucking heads. Glass is taking away our humanness. It's turning us into something we weren't meant to be originally. Phones, they just sit in your pocket waiting to be manually activated by YOU. Glass sits on your fucking head, forcing itself upon you. It's RIGHT THERE. It's on your Goddamn head people. It's not an option anymore, like a phone is, it's a part of your body.
I think an app you can download summed Glass up for me perfectly. This app is called 'Winky' and it takes a snapshot when you make a very deliberate wink at someone when wearing Google Glasses. It's there to automatically capture those fun, flirty, winky moments you have. But what I don't get is who the fuck is gonna find a goon wearing Glass winking at them attractive? Take that motherfucking machinery off your Goddamn face and be a normal fucking human being for Christ's sake. Jesus. This is technology going TOO far. Way too far.
What are your thoughts on Glass? Leave comments below!
